Relationships

You Want Me to Sign a Prenup

You Want Me to Sign a Prenup
Jubair and Tyanna

In today’s “get in and get out quick” mentality it seems like a lot of people are falling into the destructive cycle of getting married and soon after divorced.  To me it seems like people have lost sight of what being married is and are not willing to put the work in to have a happy successful marriage.  I believe that a lot of times the trouble starts with planning for the divorce before you get married.  One clue to let you know that your soon to be spouse is upset and feels that you may not trust them or may not be in it for the long haul is if you hear them say something like, “You Want Me to Sign a Prenup.”

Protecting Your Assets

I know there are times when a multimillionaire will marry a barely thousandaire (yup I know that’s not a word but you get the point) and will always have the question in the back of their mind as to whether their soon to be spouse wants them for the upgrade to their lifestyle or if they truly love them.  In this case, if you have that question floating around in your head then why are you getting married?  If you can’t honestly say that they are in love with you and not for what you can do for them financially, then, don’t get married.  In cases like this, there should be a clause in the prenup that states if you do something wrong or want to terminate the marriage though your spouse didn’t cheat or do anything malicious, then they are entitled to “X”.  This type of prenup protects both and takes some of the power away from the one who makes most of the money.

Now let’s just say that you are 100% sure that your soon to be spouse is in love with you and not the upgrade to their social status that you can provide them.  Wouldn’t it be easier to discuss the financial concerns while talking about other lifestyle changes that are soon to come?  You can talk about finances and in this case it is OK to come up with a legal document that has what the two of you discussed in it, which I don’t have a problem with.  I have a problem when a person just throws a document from their lawyer at their future spouse and just says sign it without any previous discussions.  Don’t hide behind your lawyer because you are insecure about your spouse’s love for you and don’t get upset when your soon to be spouse responds with “You Want Me to Sign a Prenup?”

Once Divorced Twice Shy

Now for the case of two thousandaires where one of them has been divorced and was taken to the cleaners by the judge with alimony.  I have heard of people who make just over 100K a year paying $2000 a month for alimony, which in my opinion makes it almost impossible for them to live off of the remainder.  It also gives their ex-spouse a reason to not work to their full potential but I digress.  In this situation the person is so gun shy about marrying again because of all the hard work that they put in only to see about a third of their monthly salary going to an ex who is not using it to better themselves.  This person will constantly be thinking, “If it happened before then it can happen again” and now they are stuck with a love decision, is the risk worth the reward?

I know a few people who were divorced, had to pay a lot of alimony, but later found someone that they thought was worth the risk and planned on marrying but only with a prenup agreement in place.  The funny thing about this is, even though you make a few more dollars than your thousandaire counterpart they actually bring home more money than you because you are giving away about a third of your salary every month to your ex.  In situations like this, the divorced person is still holding onto past hurt and thinking that it may happen again so they try to plan for an “In case this happens again” exit plan which will have their soon to be spouse laughing while saying “You Want Me to Sign a Prenup?  Why plan for failure instead of planning for success?

Security Blanket

As stated above, there are times when a prenup is put in place to protect the assets of the one who has a lot more to lose than their future spouse.  For the most part, most of the people wanting a prenup only get them as a “get out of jail free card.”  This causes a problem during the marriage because (whether they know it or not) it stops some people from putting in 100% into the marriage and going above and beyond to ensure that they have a successful marriage.  When there is a prenup in place and the going gets tough the protected spouse many times will get going.

To me a prenup hurts a marriage more than it protects the individuals involved.  A prenup brings laziness into a marriage. In a society of “get in and get out quick” it does more damage than if there was no prenup in place.  When issues arise in the marriage the person with the “security blanket” in place sits there sucking their thumb while holding it over their spouse’s head many times selfishly refusing to put the effort into working on issues that have risen in their marriage.  This leaves the spouse without the “security blanket” thinking, I knew this would happen when you said “You Want Me to Sign a Prenup!”

Is a prenup used to hold power over your spouse?

Is having a prenup protection or an easy exit strategy?

Do you think a prenup is already planning for the marriage to fail?

Why not have a “We won’t get divorced agreement” (with certain contingencies like cheating and all kinds of abuses) instead of a “When we get divorced” plan?

View Comments (14)

14 Comments

  1. susan Cooper

    07/22/2014 at 1:04 PM

    I can really see both sides of this issue. It truly does seem like with a prenup you are planning ahead of time for your marriage to fail. Not “if” but “when” we get divorced. Which is sad, but I think that is the expectation now days…to have the “starter” husband or wife. On the other hand, I have a relative that got burned by a woman who strictly married him for his money, while he was in love….he’ll be paying for that for the rest of his life. I wish we could just go back to “Leave It to Beaver” days.

    • BallNChainz

      07/23/2014 at 9:10 AM

      Susan, Life seemed so much easier when the only issues were when the beaver messed stuff up.

  2. Jacqueline Gum (Jacquie)

    07/22/2014 at 2:13 PM

    Hubris is what lured me into signing a pre-nup. My own hubris, that is. The idea that I would never give up my career, my self-reliant mentality as I had spent my entire 33 years as self-supporting (and in a reasonably good fashion, too) In the end, that pre-nup, egregious as it, was was my financial undoing. I’d given up my career, spent 16 years helping triple the size of his company and in the end (which is what he wanted) was brought to my knees by…the pre-nup. I think they should be outlawed.

  3. Michele Harvey

    07/22/2014 at 2:14 PM

    Though you make some good points here, with divorce statistics being what they are, I believe the adage, “Hope for the best but prepare for the worst,” is applicable. “There should be a clause in the prenup that states if you do something wrong or want to terminate the marriage though your spouse didn’t cheat or do anything malicious, then they are entitled to “X”. ” This I believe is very fair and a good idea.

    • BallNChainz

      07/23/2014 at 9:54 AM

      I guess my wife and I planned and prepared for the best and make the choice to deal with the worst in a positive manner as they occur

  4. Laurie Hurley

    07/22/2014 at 4:00 PM

    Suffice it to say I do not believe in pre-nups. Period.

  5. Maxwell Ivey

    07/22/2014 at 6:21 PM

    When I think about this, I don’t know that a prenup makes a marriage any more or less likely to fail. It all depends on the people involved. I can think about this from the other side. While I am personally successful I am not wealthy. Most likely a potential spouse would have more assets that I do. I would be willing to sign a prenup that was rarely discussed and negotiated. I would have no problem asking for a lawyer and explaining to them that if a prenup is required then there is no reason why they cannot provide the funds for me to hire an attorney to make sure my rights are just as well protected as theirs. And one thing you left out during this conversation is the discussion of the value of non monitory assets. In my case i may want a prenup to protect my websites blogs and social media sites. Just a thought. thanks for sharing, max

    • BallNChainz

      07/23/2014 at 9:59 AM

      It doesn’t make a marriage more likely to fail but it gives the participants an easy way out when things hit the fan instead of forcing the two to stir down and work through it

  6. BallNChainz

    07/23/2014 at 9:57 AM

  7. Debra Yearwood

    07/28/2014 at 11:03 AM

    My husband and I developed a song (ok stole the tune of an old song) early on in our marriage. It goes to the tune of that old Captain and Tennile song, “Love will Keep Us Together”. Some would say we’re synics but we’ve been happily married more than 18 years. The song goes like this, “Debt, debt will keep us together, think of money whenever, some sweet…”

    For me a prenup is what you sign because, 1) you’ve already decided that it’s not going to last and you want the clean up to be quick 2) You’re more in love with your money than your spouse. 3) You spouse is more in love with your money than you. 🙂

    • BallNChainz

      07/30/2014 at 9:02 AM

      I agree with your list 100% thanks for the comment

  8. James

    07/30/2014 at 9:52 AM

    Very nice writeup. I think that prenups should no longer be an option when it comes to getting married

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Relationships
Jubair and Tyanna
@http://twitter.com/ballnchainz

Ballnchainz is a relationship blog that covers the topics of Marriage, Family, Couples Finances, and Divorce from both the woman and mans point of view in a slightly comedic way.

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