When a couple starts dating both parties usually put “their best foot forward,” trying to show their best qualities while suppressing some of their worst.  Over time the personality traits that they were attempting to hide start to seep out of their hidden shameful crevasses and make their way to the surface.  After a year or so with your attitude, selfishness, or any other short coming that you may have, you need to ask yourself, “Would you Stay With You” if the roles were reversed.

Your Attitude Sucks

In the beginning you were pleasant, walked around smelling the roses and just enjoyed life.  After a few months or years there has been a change in your attitude.  Now you are full of so much negativity and you hate this or that for no reason at all.  Your significant other unsuccessfully tries to make you feel better about whatever change in your life that caused you to turn into such an unhappy person.

Sure, every now and then the two of you have good times.  But that is few and far between; you’re constantly complaining and bickering about everything.  You are a grumpy person who can’t see the sun due to the extra dark shades that you have placed over your own eyes.  You say that you appreciate your partner for sticking with you through your self-inflicted dark times, then you turn right back around wallowing in your self-inflected self-pity (insert violin music and Justin Timberlake singing “Cry Me a River”).  Try looking at you through your partner’s eyes and think to yourself “Would You Stay with Someone like You”

What are you doing that makes you so Jealous

When you first started dating you were care free and didn’t keep tabs on your significant other, but after dating for a while or even marriage now you “need to know” where they are every second of the day.  You are constantly calling/texting and have the feeling of self-doubt when you don’t get an answer or a return call/text.  You use to have so much confidence in your relationship and now you are self-conscious about it because you love them so much that you don’t want to lose them.

You try to hold on to them and their every movement so tightly that you begin to lose grip of them and your relationship.  The question is, what are you doing that makes you not trust your significant other anymore?  Are you projecting the guilt from the dastardly (I have always wanted to use that word in a sentence from Saturday morning cartoons ever since this blog started) dirty deeds that you are/have done to your partner and turning it into distrust even though they haven’t done anything for you not to trust them?

Your jealousy is scary and is pushing them away from you.  You keep saying you will change but after a few weeks you’re right back to badgering them about their whereabouts, hiding in bushes, and playing forty question about how and who they spent their day with.  You get upset when you hear them talking to friends of the opposite sex, even though they have known them for years longer than they have known you.  So once again, if your partner treated you the way you have been treating them “Would You Stay with Someone Like You?”

Take a Good Look At Yourself

There are too many different scenarios that I could write about here but I don’t feel like writing a book right now.  The main reason for writing this is to get you to think about the things that you do, that your partner constantly complains about. It is a problem if your partner is constantly trying to talk you off of the pity party ledge; you need to say to yourself… If things were reversed “Would You Stay With Someone Like You”?

If the answer to that question is “No”, then you need to sit down with your partner and have a serious conversation. Ask them to help you get back to who you use to be or help you balance growing into this “New You,” even if that means the two of you go to counseling.  Your relationship can get back to the good times if you both are willing to put in 100% towards working to bring back better days.

21 COMMENTS

  1. Ahh!! These relationships! So complicated they are! Possessiveness, lack of trust, high expectations etc etc etc….ugghh! I need one more birth to understand these.. lol
    On a serious note, Jay, I like your posts because you leave a message in the end to tackle the issue! In this article the best part is the last paragraph!
    Keep writing!

  2. Tuhin, Thanks for the great comment and feedback. Yes there are a lot of aspects and hard work to relationships. Thanks again

  3. As sad as it is, people rarely make the effort to fix something that is broken, we live in a disposable world…
    This may sound callous but sometimes things are not worth fixing, move on and find happiness again 🙂

    • I agree with you… sometimes the choice in the person you are with was wrong from the start but you keep trying to make it work until you finally realize that it’s just not worth it. Thanks for the comment

    • Paul you are 200% correct. Often times the man inn the mirrors may be the cause or may have contributed with a problem growing instead of resolving

  4. That is a really good question, and if we’re honest, probably pretty hard to answer. But it’s never too late to be a “new you” or get back to the “old you.” I like how you remind us we should be asking ourselves that question, rather than complaining about the things that annoy us about each other.

    • Wow thanks for the great comment.. i ask myself questions like this all the time and sometimes i don’t like the answer. Then it’s time for a change

    • Aint that the truth. It is true lot of relationships start of with issues So when problems arise they don’t know how to work through them.

  5. Now this is a thought. I have thought about it myself and it always brings me back to mysef and helps me aim to become better in what I do. It is such truth that we slacken somewhere in the middle of relationships. This is where all relationships fail at, when the carefree attidude creeps in.

    • Exactly… another issue is in the middle of the relationship when problems creep in and one of the people involved don’t care (or think they they don’t care enough) to work through it

  6. Very good post. I never thought about but what a question to ask yourself, would you stay with someone like you. I think I will ask my husband that question. The answer is going to be interesting.

  7. Great post. I have never looked at the situation like that. I know back in the day I probably wouldn’t have stayed with someone like me. Nowadays I’m older and more focused.

    • Yes they are hard work. I’m glad my wife and I are not only on the same page but also on the exact words and sentence. We both take responsibility for are actions.

  8. Well relationships are synonymous to complications but that doesn’t mean that you stop having them. It is a beautiful journey if you really want to make one.

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