There are some women out there that like to act as if they don’t care about being in relationships or dating.  They have built up a wall that they feel will keep them from getting hurt, unaware that they are playing directly into the male player’s hand.  These type of women have started saying to men that they are not looking for a relationship and are the type of ”Woman Wanting a Casual Relationship”.

Why Would He Respect You Now

Ladies, when you say to a man that you are not looking for a relationship and want to keep things casual; you are giving him the green light to treat you with all kinds of disrespect throughout your “Casual Relationship”.  Those words are music to a “player’s” ears.

Her:  I’m not looking for a relationship; let’s just keep things casual for now.

Him:  Thinking… Yes, Jackpot so I can hang out with you, eventually sleep with you and not give up my other women or I can go find another woman.

Him:  Okay, if that’s what you want.

Ladies, what you don’t understand is that you just dismissed all of the effort that he was going to put into getting to know you and possibly build something serious with you, and said it is okay for him to just see you as a “play thing.”  In his mind he can put the minimum amount of work towards you and only do just enough to get you to trust him until you give up the sex.  You may not realize it but from the time you  used the word “casual”, you became his “drive by” woman that he will stop by to see every now and then, have sex with, and then get back on the road to someone or something that he feels is more worth his time (Click this link because… Now you are stuck Waiting On a Relationship That May Never Happen ).  When you tell a man that you are a “Woman Wanting a Casual Relationship” you have lost your worth in his eyes and will never gain back the respect that a man would have had if he was made to work for your affection.

It’s Not Cheating

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, lady pump your breaks!  Why are you mad that your friend told you (or you found out on your own) that your “casual friend” was out to dinner and kissing on another woman.  What gives you the right to get upset with him when you gave him permission to do whatever it is he wants to do?  What did you think a “casual relationship” was?  Just because you caught feelings doesn’t mean he has.  Also, don’t think that you will turn this casual relationship into a “Real Relationship”.  Why would he have respect for you now, when you already told him with your casualness that he didn’t have to respect you?

This man has his cake and is enjoying eating it without any repercussions thanks to you being a “Woman Wanting a Casual Relationship”.  He is living the life at your expense because someone else has hurt you and you decided that the way to not get hurt again is to not get into another relationship.  (Whispering)  Hey guess what?  A casual relationship is still a relationship and while you’re running to nowhere fast you are still being hurt by this person and you gave them permission to hurt you.  Truth is, 9 times out of 10 times the “Woman Wanting a Casual Relationship” is going to catch feelings for him because he is showing her just enough attention to keep his drive by sex partner somewhat happy.

Why Can’t You Come By

You have been in this “Casual Relationship” for a while now but you are starting to see a lot less of your casual male counterpart.  You may call, but he won’t answer.  You may text, and he may not respond until hours later.  He may even make an appearance at your doorstep, but won’t stay long and may not even sleep with you because he is in a rush.  You can ask him if he has met someone else that he is spending all the time that use to be yours.  He may tell you the truth harshly to put an end to your questioning.

Yes, he has found someone that he respects and he is now leaving you behind for the relationship that this lady requires.  You see when he first approached you; it was with the respect of you being a lady that he would have liked to get to know better.  Once you told him you were a “Woman Wanting a Casual Relationship” you became his “play thing.”  Now he is no longer playing a game with a hurt childish woman, but is looking to build a relationship with his new lady.

What some women don’t realize is that once you give him permission to be CASUAL he will do just that. A man will do what he is allowed to get away with and by you telling him that you are a “Woman Wanting a Casual Relationship” you have lost 99.99% of a chance of turning what you two don’t have into a real relationship.  Ladies please demand the respect that you deserve from these men and stop letting them get away with treating you any ole kinda way!   If he won’t treat you right then find someone who will.  If you are hurt from a past relationship then don’t give another guy permission to treat you wrong, wait until you’re ready and give him permission to love you right.   Ladies, know your worth!

Ladies/men have you ever been in a casual relationship? If so please leave a comment letting us know how it work out for you.  Whether you have or haven’t been in a casual relationship feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts on this article.

Author B.A.M


  1. Boy howdy this one. I couldn’t agree more. When anyone gives a partner the permission to be casual in a relationship, the partner will do just that, then loosing the chance of turning it into the real thing. 🙂

  2. I don’t know, I assume when someone says they want casual, they mean casual. Yes, I’m may be naive when I assume that a woman would say she wants a casual relationship because she enjoys her life the way it is and is not looking for more than some occasional companionship. Maybe she says it when she’s just not that into a guy and she’s trying to avoid misleading him. Now I presume that people are grown ups and they say what they mean. If not, maybe they are not mature enough to be in a relationship and in that case, all’s well that ends single. 🙂

  3. Debra, those are all true but when it is said because they are hurt and feel that is the best way to protect their heart it almost never works. You can’t expect to stay a relationship of like that only to try and change it one you start catching feelings.

  4. Ok, I just ended roughly a year of dating a woman who called me her boyfriend, wanted to make plans to drive out and see her parents, she stayed at my place 2-3 nights a week etc. There was nothing casual by definition by what we were doing as far as I could see. Then after going 90 miles and hour she threw on the brakes and wanted to take a step back. Also she wants to go travel for a few months and doesn’t want to be in the way should someone more compatible come along. Going from full on to casual is a big red flag right? We’ve been intimate since the change and she would do more, but at the end of the day, I got dumped didn’t I? My feelings were growing and now I feel I risk getting hurt. Well, it already stings!

    • Wow. Either she doesn’t want to stop you from dating someone while she travels or she doesn’t want a guilty conscious in case she meets some one while traveling. Either way you are going to get hurt. Continuing to be intimate is not helping either. If i were you i would step back from the situation and just try to be friends or have the conversation of whether or not this will just be a sex thing. It is funny how people like this always want to come back to the one they left or mistreated after they see that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Wishing you the best and keep us posted on what you decide to do

  5. Well I have decided to leave it and do my best to push her away yet maintain a friendship. After all I do respect and like her and we do work together (not everyday). To those in my situation it also helps maintain one’s dignity by walking away. Kinda gives power back. The future shall unfold as it will I suppose!

  6. Hello Jay,

    There are people who manage to maintain a fine relationship without any strings attached.
    But still casual relationships are always risky as in most of the cases one of the partners start to develop feelings, possessiveness or jealousy as you have mentioned here. What starts from mind soon reaches heart. Complicated!

  7. Wow,I stumbled upon this and am so glad. I am recently divorced after being married most of my life. Needless to say I had no idea how the terms of dating had changed. I met a great guy who seemed almost perfect. He wanted friendship for starters. Sounded great. Speed ahead … Great couple of days all but actual sex and then we talk. Let’s keep it casual. Me having no clue says “sure”. I just got divorced. Over time it became clear that he had female friends in various states and they go on trips etc and they may or may not have sex on a visit and no emotions involved. We definitely had chemistry. However, even in a light relationship no woman wants to know next weekend he is with Debbie then Sue etc. Although not invested I liked him. He treated me like a girlfriend and was the one making future plans. Well when I tried to clarify things he said it upset him and did not need complicated. He was texting me while boarding a plane to see a woman. I wanted to remain in his life some way even as friends and he seemed the same. So I sent a email advising same and that now know I don’t do casual sex. Told him keep in touch if he liked. He is a broken man and wants a woman to care but he does not want to give. Basically a good luck with your freaky life but super kind. I hope I kept his respect but likely I am just a number but I sure kept my self respect. I told him I am fragile but for sure I know I am quality. Please tell me how to avoid such a mess in the future? I hate to grill a man on a first date as that scares me….But good grief. Thanks

    • The fact that you know your worth and know that you are quality is how you avoid the mess in the future. You did the right thing by not settling and being another number. Thank you for the great comment and never forget your worth… We have our Relationship and Divorce recovery Coaching business that I can give you information on if your would like (we are re-working this site to include the coaching information). Also don’t forget to subscribe to our blog and check out other articles that may offer you some information or help you with your situation


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