Ever since I was a little kid I have heard adults say that couples should never go to bed mad.  I was told that you should try to talk out the issues and that you and your spouse shouldn’t go to sleep until there is a resolution.  The funny thing is that every adult that has said this had constantly done just the opposite of what they were preaching.  So the saying about never going to sleep mad is a bunch of crap and I will give you a few reasons as to why it is ok.

We need to discuss this now   

Some people are just wired to have to discuss the issues right then and there and will stay up as long as it takes to come up with a resolution to the problem at hand, even though their spouse is nodding in and out of sleep.  More often than not, one of you just gives into the other out of sheer tiredness and by the time morning comes around the two of you are worst off then if you would have just gone to sleep upset.  Now instead of starting your day off fresh, rested and with a clear mind both of you are tired, cranky, and more upset.

Can we please just get some sleep

Others find it better to just go to sleep and talk about the problem in the morning.  But that is because they can fall asleep with no problem and not give the issue another thought until it is brought up again in the morning.  While their spouse will not be able to sleep due to them thinking about all the different ways the conversation could have gone, will go, and wondering how their spouse could be sleep without having things resolved.  Now one of you has a clear mind and ready to discuss the problem, but the other one is tired and more upset from letting their imaginations run wild all night.

Know your spouse

One of the most important things is to know your spouse and how they like to communicate.  Sometimes you will have to talk it out for a little while and come to some sort of mutual agreement with the option of discussing the issue further the next day.  Other times, one of you can be so upset that it is probably better to postpone the discussion until the next day when clearer heads can prevail.  And then there is my favorite, which is to have a discussion but realize that there is no real resolution at hand , so instead of beating the dead horse the two of your agree to disagree.

It doesn’t matter when or where you discuss it, it only matters that you take your spouse’s feelings/sleepiness/anger into consideration and communicate with each other to come up with the best approach to reaching a realistic solution.  As long as the lines of communication remain open as well as the options of when to communicate, it will not matter if you go to bed mad because you know the issue will be discussed shortly.

Author: B.A.M

Thank you


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