Soul Mate to a Mate You Hate

Soul Mate to a Mate You Hate
Jubair and Tyanna

On your wedding day, one of the happiest days of your life, you would never think that your mate would eventually turn into someone you hate.  Who could imagine that their soul mate would eventually become someone that you no longer even like.   Being in a relationship that has become bad, many times, causes all of your thoughts about your spouse to become negative.  One day you wake up and wonder how the two of you grew so far apart and instead of thinking of a solution to fix the issues that you are having so that you can become a family again, you try to take the easy way out of this hell that you are in.

No Longer Communicating

Often times when your relationship falls into a funk the first thing to go is the communication.  Instead of talking through the issues, one or both of you would rather give the other the silent treatment.  Not talking to each other will escalate the disdain that you are both feeling towards each other.  At this point,  you two are operating solely out of emotions instead of communicating in ways that will help you to resolve the issues.

Without communication the two of you will not be able to make any informed decisions.  When couples do not communicate with each other,  it becomes easy to make stories up in your head about what he/she meant when he/she said this or did that.  An unintentional rolling of the eyes or sigh can create a situation that could have had a simple solution if you were willing to communicate before either of you reach a boiling point.

There is a deeper bond to be experienced when a couple makes the choice to work through their issues in a loving and healthy way.  The two of you miss out on so much when you choose to be stubborn by not talking to each other.  You can not replace the benefits of verbally communicating  to resolve issues with attempting to read his/her body language.  Ask your mate questions and/or make statements using words that express how you feel and what you need instead of attacking, attempting to interpret your mate’s actions or assume what they mean. (Ex. What did you mean when you said…?, Can we both work on…?, It does not feel good when…, I am disappointed when…, It hurts my feelings when…, I am embarrassed when…)  Choosing to communicate with your heart instead of your head will hopefully give a loving mate an opportunity to hear you and reciprocate the same type of healthy communication.

Giving the silent treatment in a relationship is never a good idea and never should enter either of your minds.   If you don’t want to end up going from “Soul Mates to a Mate You Hate” the communication should never be allowed to leave your relationship. Communication should never be the first thing to go if you want to rekindle what you once had.

Getting Back to Soul Mates

Depending on where you are and how bad your relationship is, getting back to being soul mates may seem like an impossible task.  This is going to take a whole lot of talking and/or counseling.  If you are like me and you don’t use a lot of words you will have to do so for the sake of your family.   Over the next few months you will probably talk about your feelings good and bad, what you like about your spouse, what you don’t like about your spouse, and why you like or dislike the man on the moon.  The point is if you want to keep your family together, you talk about any and everything including your emotions.

You will have to Date your Mate so that you can begin to rekindle the romance that the two of you once shared.  One suggestion that I have is to take a ballroom dancing class.  To read another article we wrote called romance and the Dance to see why this may jump start things for the two of you click this link Romance and The Dance.  It doesn’t matter if you can dance or not, just try it or do something that your mate has always wanted you to do but maybe you refused to do in the past.

The road moving forward from being Soul Mates to a Mate You Hate” will not be an easy one, but it is a possible one if the two of you are willing to put in the work by getting to know each other again.  The more that you communicate with each other, the easier communication will become.  The more you date each other the quicker the romance will come back and the bigger the smiles will be.  Intentionally remind yourself of the person you first grew to love.  You will start to reminisce on memories of the past while falling in love with the couple you are today.

Have you ever worked out a relationship that you thought was definitely doomed?  Have you ever threw in the towel because you thought things were too far gone?  Please share your experiences with us by leaving a comment or just leave a comment letting us know what you thought of this article.

View Comments (2)


  1. Tuhin

    11/27/2016 at 12:27 PM

    A break up (be it a relationship or a marriage) is always hard to handle. A very few couples can work together to revive a dead relationship.
    I hope this post brings happiness in someone’s life. Keep writing, Jay

    • B.A.M


      11/27/2016 at 10:31 PM

      Thanks Tuhin… yeah few can work through it but some do and those are the ones that have the strongest bound

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Jubair and Tyanna

Ballnchainz is a relationship blog that covers the topics of Marriage, Family, Couples Finances, and Divorce from both the woman and mans point of view in a slightly comedic way.

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