The different phases in a relationship can be compared to learning how to dance or learning a new dance. Each involves trust and the “give and take” of figuring out how to flow together as a couple.   When we see a couple that has danced together for years, many times they make dancing together look effortless and easy.   Sometimes the couple looks so smooth that they flow together as if they are one person.  We see the finished product but do we take into consideration the amount of time they took WORKING TOGETHER in order to look so good.  The idea of  “Romance and the Dance” is for you to see how your relationship compares to the process of learning to dance together so that you can flow together effortlessly as ONE in your relationship.


The Foxtrot is a ballroom dance that is lots of fun and simple to learn…an excellent dance for beginners. The Foxtrot is a smooth dance in which dancers make long, flowing movements across the floor

The Foxtrot reminds me of a man and women meeting for the first time.  He tries to show how smooth he is and attempts to impress her upon meeting for the first time.  The man makes the decision to take the walk (that sometimes seems a lot farther) to the woman just to say a few words like “Excuse me can I talk to you for a minute” in hopes that she smiles and complies.  This is the precursor to the relationship and the “Romance and the Dance”.

Cha Cha

The Cha Cha is one of the most popular of the social Latin-American dances. Lively and flirtatious, the Cha Cha is full of passion and energy.  The Cha Cha is a vibrant, flamboyant and playful dance. The light and bubbly feel of the Cha Cha gives it a unique sense of fun for dancers throughout the world.

The Cha Cha can be compared to the beginning stages of the relationship where both parties are just having fun and seeing where things will go.  This reminds me of two teenagers who stay on the phone until the wee hours of the morning not talking about anything.  These two spend what seems like hours trying to fend off their sleep saying things like “are you sleep?” to which the other replies “I’m sleepy but I’m not sleep.” These budding lovers will hang on the phone listening to each other breath for hours.  Similar to the Cha Cha, during this phase of a relationship there is a lot of learning about each others’ likes, and dislikes as well as if you would like to pursue the relationship further.

The Mambo

The Mambo is one of the most sensual and emotional Latin American ballroom dances. Swaying hip movements, facial expressions, arm movements and holds all add to the sensuality of the dance.

During the Mambo phase of the relationship, many times the couple makes “THE DECISION” or are just drawn by their animal instincts of “sealing the deal”, “making the magic happen”, doing the horizontal mattress Mambo, or … ah you get the point.  This is the first time that the two take their relationship to the next level.  For some this is the make it or break it point due to the importance some people place on the sexual act.  The man is just happy to “get some” while the lady (depending on the performance) may begin planning the next time the act will occur.

A lot of couples move into this phase of their relationship prematurely and have not done “the work” to truly get to know who they are with before the relationship is clouded with the memories of  “the motion of the ocean” or the “horizontal mambo.”  Each party should know that they are “worth the wait” and be willing to do what it takes to insure that both hearts are protected by the security that goes along with a commitment that endures “until death do you part,” which is where you discover the true …”Romance and the Dance.”

The Paso Doble

The Paso Doble is one of the liveliest ballroom dances, originating in southern France. It is modeled after the sound, drama, and movement of the Spanish bullfight.  The Paso Doble is a theatrical Spanish dance. Traditionally, the man is characterized as the matador (bullfighter) and the lady as his cape in the drama of a Spanish bullfight.  Based on Flamenco dancing, the Paso Doble is both arrogant and passionate.

In every relationship there comes a time when there will be a disagreement.  Two passionate people will go back and forth trying to prove their points and sometimes attempt to display their dominance.  Depending on the personalities of the two people involved this could be a “knock down drag out” brawl or just a heated debate.  There are times in your relationship where you may push away from each other and this should be a time of self evaluation and self reflection so that just like in the Paso Doble, you end up passionately back in each others’ arms where you belong.

The Rumba

The Rumba is considered by many to be the most romantic and sensual of all Latin ballroom dances. It is often referred to as the “Grandfather of the Latin dances.  The Rumba is a dance that tells a story of love and passion between a strong, male lover and a coy, teasing woman. Full of sensual movements, the Rumba is considered by many to be the sexiest of the ballroom dances.

The Rumba part of the relationship dance is what takes place after the Paso Doble.  This part of the relationship can be so good that people will start arguments just so that they can apologize after the “Make-up sex”.  Though I am not saying you should start needless arguments, you do get the point.   This can be romantic, sensual and intense all at the same time and if done correctly both parties may over sleep the next morning.  Once again you have found the “Romance and the Dance.”

The Tango

The Tango is one of the most fascinating of all ballroom dances. This sensual ballroom dance originated in South America in the early twentieth century.  Tango is usually performed by a man and a woman, expressing an element of romance in their synchronized movements.

The Tango is the next step in the relationship and is the happy time when the two become one and make the plunge to be married.  After being married for a while, the couple makes the decision to start a family.  This is usually a great time in the relationship.  It is filled with a lot of love making and anticipation.  Once a new baby is added to the mix, things can become stressful if the couple does not remember to take the moments to “get it in!”  Learn to embrace the sharp turn of the new space that your relationship is in and enjoy the ride!

The Viennese Waltz

The Viennese Waltz is a quick rotating ballroom dance with a subtle rise and fall. It is considered by most to be one of the most difficult dances to learn. The simple and elegant rotational movement characterizes the Viennese Waltz.  A waltzing couple rotates around the floor, revolving gracefully around each other. The Viennese Waltz is a quick, rotating dance, much faster-paced than the classic, slow Waltz.

The Viennese Waltz reminds me of the organized chaos of being parents.  Many couples often times try to balance between their home life, work life, and being parents only to frantically dance around the house and their lives like chickens with their heads cut off.  At times the two are able to flow together and run things like a well oiled machine and other times they mindlessly move about the next 18 years bumping into sports, dance recitals, and hopefully ending with college.  During this phase the couple must  purposefully remember the passion that they have for each other.  Be deliberate to plan intimate time together.  Steal small moments of time together after the kids go to sleep/before they wake up because after the kids go away to school it is just the two of you and it can a should be an exciting time.  The best thing you could do for your children is have a great marriage.

The Waltz

The Waltz is one of the smoothest ballroom dances. It is a progressive dance marked by long, flowing movements, continuous turns, and “rise and fall.” The dance is so graceful and elegant; Waltz dancers appear to glide around the floor with almost no effort.

The Waltz reminds me of the Golden years.  Not necessarily old age but just the joys of the last kid leaving the house.  This time can start off slow with both parents not knowing what to do with all of their newly found free time.  This slow pace usually picks up after a while and then the couple learns to “let the good times roll.”  The parents begin to remember how much fun they use to have and begin to look for the good times again.  Somehow these two elderly people regain the energy that they may have lost over the years and begin to have fun and enjoy each other wholeheartedly again.  This is where they again find the “Romance and the Dance.”

Author B.A.M

The Dance descriptions were taking from


  1. For me personally I think you missed out the chance to add “Dad dancing” to your list of Romance and Dance.
    Dad dancing is usually done at Christmas and Weddings and the warm up involves alcohol. It is the dance where you can let it all hang out (and often do) totally embarrassing your children for all they have put you through.
    It is learnt with age and skill to make your offspring cringe the most and usually ends up at some point with dad accidentally break dancing. It is a right of passage for us parents with kids and should be made compulsory beyond the age of 40.

  2. Hello; So glad to hear you are back from your time away from blogging. this post was an excellent one to reintroduce everyone to your unique voice. I love the progression of your post matching the natural progression of lives. And the dance metaphor was perfect. Its also good timing as the dancing with the stars is returning for the final season and thinking of these beautiful couples out on the floor is on a lot of people’s minds. and you are right we only see the finished project. although stories of injuries from practicing for the reality show do help remind people that classic ball room dances like a happy life long relationship take a lot of practice and hard work. thanks for sharing, max

  3. That is a very interesting concept. I never would have thought to compare dancing with the phases of romances and relationships. Glad I’ve made it to the Waltz phase and letting the good times roll!

  4. Hi Jay – welcome back – love the way you use dance to show the different stages of relationships. My husband and I are in the waltz stage with the fun and enjoying each other.

  5. Welcome back! Please know that you were missed:) And this is a wonderful re-introduction…the dance metaphor is inspired! In terms of my romantic relationships, I seem to be in the loop-de-loop…you know, getting as far as The Paso Doble then finding myself back Fox Trotting! I’m certainly at age where I should be waltzing…sigh! This has given me great pause, Jay…to self-examine…………

    • Thank you Jacqueline. One day you will meet your Fred Astaire and enjoy waltzing off into the sunset. All you can do is work to make yourself better and learn from past relationships/mistakes.

  6. You’re such a romantic! This is very well done; lighthearted and profound at one and the same time. Now you could think about tackling dances since the jitter bug. Reading this felt like dancing.

    • Lol, thanks for the great comment Nancy

      There are so many more current dances but these were the ones that as sob as i read the dance description the relationship correlations just popped into my head.

  7. So glad you are back! I like this analogy, I would have never thought of dance as the stages of a relationship. Maybe one day I will be able to apply one of these. I’m doing the electric slide by myself right now lol.


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