Raising children in two separate households is hard to begin with, but once you throw a bitter parent into the picture everything becomes 10 times more difficult. Children are like sponges and will pick up on the vibes of the parents whether they are positive or negative and in some cases will mimic the parent with the disrespect towards the other parent. Some disrespectful parents think this is ok without realizing the long term effects that this type of behavior will have on their children once they have grown up and are living in the real world. Regardless of how much you dislike your ex you should never speak negatively to your children about their mother/father.

Talking Bad About Your Ex to Your Children

Calling your ex names in front of or to your children is one of the worst things that you can do as a parent. Children are smarter than adults give them credit for and they will eventually realize that their mother/father is a “piece of crap” without the other parent constantly telling them so. Parents should never pass their negative feelings off on their children. When speaking to children, parents should only say positive things about the other parent or remember the old saying, “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” no matter how hard it is for them. Talking bad about your ex will never get you the reaction that you are looking for if and when you need help. Why would the other parent want to help you when they are stuck undoing your negativity while “Raising Respectful Children With a Disrespectful Ex”.

Besides the negative effect that speaking bad about their parent can have on children, this may backfire and the child may begin to resent the negative speaking parent for the lies or skewed opinion that has been told to them over the years. Parents must remember that their ex is still their child’s mom or dad and no child wants to hear their parent talked about negatively.

Sooner or later the children will come to their own conclusion. Children may begin to ask the parent questions like “Why does mom/dad act like that? ” or “Why did you tell me that you were paying for everything when mom/dad was giving you money for me every month?” Don’t let your hate for the ex have you telling lies that will eventually come to light. Let your children come to their own conclusion about the other parent. As children get older and begin to understand life better, they will see the truth for themselves without the tainted perspective of someone else.

You Should Be On The Same Team

I don’t care how much of a jerk your ex is (with the exception of an abuser) or how much you hate their guts, when it comes to raising the children you should be on the same team, always. If a child is on punishment at one house then they should also be on punishment at the other parent’s house. This will stop the children from playing the parents against each other and will aid in “Raising Respectful Children”.

Children like structure and when one parent is being the “Disrespectful Ex” it causes an imbalance in the natural order of discipline. No matter how much you hate your ex the children should never catch wind of that. You can waste the time of your friends with your disrespectful and hateful rhetoric. As far as the children are concerned they should only see the parents working as a team to raise them correctly.

Children go through many transitions in life especially when their parents are no longer together but children are resilient. Life’s circumstances can be simple or difficult depending on how mature their parents are when raising them. Parents can either take the high road and work as a team while “Raising Respectful Children” or one/both of them can take the low road by taking the role of the “Disrespectful Ex” and struggle trying to one up each other until the children are of age.

Raising children can be challenging when both parents are under the same roof and the challenge grows exponentially when raising them under different roofs. Why not remove most of the self induced stress and make the best out of the situation while working as a team for the betterment of your children.

Time for a not so shameless plug. Click on the following link to read a related article on blended families Yours Mine and Ours, The Family Smoothie

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