In life a lot of people find it easy to criticize mistakes made by others. One of the main problems is some people would rather criticize than give acknowledgment to the great things done by their partner. This brings up the question, why won’t people praise the behavior from their spouse that they want to continue?
Why Do You Always Have To…
Whenever a person starts a sentence off with “Why do you always have to…?” often times something negative follows. I know when I hear that I automatically start to think “Oh boy what am I getting accused of doing now?”, or I just get myself ready for the start of the bashing session. Instead of starting off a conversation with a condemnation, try starting off with something positive that the person has done. People react better to positivity than they do negativity so instead of saying “When are you going to take out the garbage?” try saying something like “Thanks for sweeping the floor, oh Babe tomorrow is garbage day, can you take it out please?”. Starting off with “Thank you” and without the negativity will reduce the stress and increase the probability of having a good CONVERSATION and better results.
A lot of us tend to place more importance on the bad instead of focusing on the good things that our spouses do. If you’re going to complain about him not taking out the garbage and then when he does take it out you say something dumb like “About time you did it without me asking you to!” don’t expect him to take it out again. Why would he take the garbage out if you’re going to give him the same grief as if he didn’t? You can’t complain when a person doesn’t do something and still complain when they do it on their own. Say something as simple as, “Thanks for taking out the garbage Babe”.
Those words will go a long way and if you keep “Praising the behavior you want” he may just do other things around the house that he was putting off because of your crappy nagging attitude. Men are simple and just want to be appreciated for what they do. Your appreciation will be the energy he needs to continue doing great things around the house.
Do You Have To Look At Every Single Rack
Men, I’m going to take it back to the mall for this example only because it’s more relatable to most of you. Trying to rush a woman out of a mall is like pushing an elephant through a mouse hole… It ain’t gonna happen, so why bother! I know I am guilty of this and it never gets me anywhere. Pouting around the store, walking in and out of the store only to come back and see that she is still at the same rack. Now there are times when a woman who loves to just look around at everything in every store will go into a store, get what she went in to get, and leave before the man had a chance to update his Facebook status with the complaint of “being stuck in the mall”. This is the time to “Praise the behavior you want” because it’s not going to happen that often.
When this rare opportunity presents itself men are usually so in shock that they don’t know how to formulate the positive words to give the praise that is due at this glorious moment so something dumb like “See is that so hard, get in, get out, why can’t you do that all the time?”… LOL… There probably isn’t a man reading this that has a wife who loves to shop and can waste an entire work day in the mall that hasn’t said something close to that, but once again I digress. (Not so shameless plug of another mall rant… click this link to read the article Marriage Takes Work but Shouldn’t Feel Like a Job) Men you must try not to go into complete shock so that you can say something like “Ok Sweetie thanks for not taking so long, is there another store that you want to go to or do you want to go eat now”?
WARNING: Only say the part about going to another store if you know for a fact that she is starving and you have heard her stomach playing the bongos.
“Praising the behavior you want” when the opportunity presents itself is not about training your partner like a pet. It is about focusing more on the positive actions and the good that your partner does rather than dwelling on the negative. A relationship full of complaints is one that is full of Ain’t, meaning nothing will ever get done. Showing appreciation for what each of you bring to the table will help to keep things light and fun while you both get household chores accomplished.
Remember to always choose your battles wisely and praise your small victories!!!