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Redd Velvet – Wash Your Windows

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I came across another great video by Redd Velvet and thought I would share this one as well.  Keep an open mind and actually listen to the gems that Mrs Redd is speaking.  You don’t have to agree with all of it but you will definitely learn something from her.   Please support this lady and check out some of the other videos on her Youtube channel.  Also check out her Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Redd-Velvet/196960131391 and website http://www.reddvelvet.com/

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Stop Chasing Hearts That Don’t Want To Be Caught

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Even though we all know that dating can be hard now a days, it is still a mystery to me as to why people choose a person who knowingly isn’t right for them.  Other times they chase behind someone who treats them like crap or is just playing games with them until someone better comes along.  If a person isn’t right for you or doesn’t really want to commit, you need to stop chasing hearts that don’t want to be caught.

Chasing the Bad Guy

I don’t know what it is with some of you and why you will overlook someone who has a job, benefits, never been incarcerated and treats you like royalty for someone who will have 2-3 girls on the side, doesn’t work, doesn’t have a car but has that swag that you like.  I have witnessed this a few times while out, a man has come up to a lady and said “Excuse me my name is John” but the lady hears “Corny Guy”.   He will politely ask “Can I buy you a drink?” and the lady just laughs in his face or even worst she will just take the drink and laugh in his face.  But when “Thug Guy” comes over and is disrespectful and grabs the lady saying “Yo let me holla at you right quick”, that same lady that laughed at the “Corny Guy” now gives “Thug Guy” her full attention.  This lady will stay with this poor excuse for a human being and lose her family and friends over him thinking that one day he will change.

It is amazing to me that this woman will be cheated on, treated badly and sometimes beaten up for years.  Then you have the woman that will even end up marrying this loser because she thinks she can change him or that she can’t do better. (This is a great place to plug another article on this site called “Top Ten Reasons Your Might As Well Marriage May Fail”. You should read it after you finish reading this one but I digress… I told you before that I like saying that).  She has been with him a long time now, she has settled down but he hasn’t.  Now she is stuck in a “one-sided faithful” marriage.  She keeps running after him thinking that one day she will capture his heart but that day never comes.

Fast forward a couple of years and a few kids later and now this same lady is divorced and has a deadbeat baby’s father who won’t pay child support or visit the kids.  What is even worst is this same lady will see the same “Corny Guy” that she laughed at in the bar years ago and now because she has been “through it” is looking for a nice guy and will actually pursue him.  She sees the same stability that he had back in the day as an attractive quality instead of a corny one but now she has lost her chance with him because she was too busy “Chasing A Heart That Didn’t Want To Be Caught”.

You’re her good time guy

Now on to some of you men who think you can buy women.  I see you all the time too (I’m not nosy, I’m a people watcher) in clubs buying bottles trying to impress the ladies who aren’t worth impressing. This guy will overlook a lady that has class, a job, and dignity for a hoe who has on the skin tight and tiny dress that all her womanly parts keep falling out of.  These types of guys usually end up with some lady like this who has learned the game and been hurt enough in the past to the point where they are the ones running game.

He tries using his money to control her unaware that this lady is just along for the ride and has another man that she really likes somewhere else.  She will just continue stringing this poor sap along for as long as he keeps buying her stuff.  She may even give him some if she thinks she is in danger of losing her bank roll.  To her he is the “Good Time Guy” who is willing to pay to play.

After thousands of dollars and multiple vacations he may get the hint and end it with this chick only to go back and overlook another deserving nice young lady for another undeserving tramp who will do the same thing to him.  This fool of a man may never learn that doing the same thing and expecting different results will more than likely end with him being single and broke.  Better yet, what will happen if this guy loses his job and no longer has the money (which defined him in his mind) to throw around.  Ok, let’s say this guy smartens up and stops “Chasing Hearts That Don’t Want To Be Caught”, no real woman is going to deal with him trying to control her with money, so where does this leave him?

Ladies and Gentlemen you need to know your worth and stop settling for what you know isn’t right for you. When you overlook a nice person and what you should have for swag or money and what you don’t need, it will rarely turn out the way you expect.  When a person shows you who they really are and it is not up to your standards, believe them and know you can do better.   Instead of “Chasing Hearts That Don’t Want To Be Caught” why don’t you find a heart that is deserving of you and willing to travel side by side on the road to forever with you and who wants to be there for you.

Author: B.A.M

Don’t Let Pride Be the Reason Your Relationship Fails

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Having too much pride in a relationship will end with you being alone.  It is ok to not be “right” but it’s not ok to not apologize when your “wrong”.  Sit down and have a conversation “with” each other instead of talking “at” each other.  Try discussing the issue without the “you did this” or “I did that” and come to a quick conclusion as to what happened, why it happened, and how you will move on from it.

No Technology Date Night

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Make tonight a no technology date night with your significant other.  Put the phones/tablets down and enjoy each other’s company instead of everyone else’s Facebook, Twitter, Instagram …etc. status/updates.  Whatever plans you make tonight, try to do it without any social media and allow the focus to be just on the two of you…

Author: B.A.M

Look At Me When I’m Talking To You – Effective Communication

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We heard the same thing but you misunderstood

In elementary school we played a game in class where one person would whisper a sentence or phrase into another student’s ear, then that student would whisper what they thought they heard to the next student and so on and so forth until the last student whispers what they heard back to the originating student.  By the time the sentence/phrase got back to the originating student, it would sometimes be so jacked up that it didn’t even remotely resemble what the originator started with.

Fast forward to adults and with only the two people in a relationship and the same problem still exists.  An adult couple could have a conversation and the person talking could say something that is taken completely differently than how they meant it to be by the other person.  The reason for this is that two people can hear the same information and will have two different understandings of what they just heard.  This is due to people not only processing information differently but also having different ways/styles that they like to communicate.

You need to communicate better

When it comes to communication, there are many different types of people.  Some use fewer words and are straight to the point with no fluff, while others may try to use 1/3 of the words in the dictionary while trying to explain every single point making sure that they are clear and that you understand everything they are saying.  The problem with both of these types of people is that the “no fluff” person leaves the “explaining every single point” person hanging waiting for more of an explanation.  While the “explaining every single point” person loses the attention of the “no fluff” person because their explanation is way too long. When dealing with two different types of communicators words and even entire sentences may get lost or misunderstood because you are expecting the other person to communicate the way you do.

So how will these two different types of communicators have an effective conversation you may be asking yourself (and if you’re not I’m going to give you my thoughts anyway).  The key is to be sensitive to the other person’s style of communicating.  The “no fluff” person can throw an extra sentence or two in to appease the other person, and the “explaining every single point” person can shorten their explanations down a little bit to keep the “no fluff” persons attention, which would keep them from daydreaming.  This may sound silly but above all there needs to be a conversation between the two of you about how you like to communicate as well as how you will try to add more or less when speaking with each other.  There are more examples of different ways people communicate, but I won’t go into them because I’m more of a “no fluff” person so use your imagination and figure them out on your own.

Why aren’t you listening to me?

Have you ever just sat around and people watch and paid special attention to couples when they are communicating?  Sometimes one of them is so in tune with making eye contact that it looks like they are trying to play the staring game to see who will look away first.  We all have seen this and how uncomfortable we felt looking at it, so imagine how it felt for the person on the other end.  They are probably missing a lot of what is being said because they keep having “when will they stop staring at me, or how can you talk for 5 minutes straight and not blink” kind of thoughts.  While the other person appears to be in lala land just looking around, enjoying the sights, yet still listening and communicating just as effectively as the eye to eye gouger.  But now the other person is missing some of the conversation because they are thinking things like “why won’t you look at me, or do I have spinach in my teeth”.

Hey to each his own, but you need to be aware of how your significant other likes to communicate.  So every now and then the intense eye contacterer (yeah I know I made that word up, but you know what it means) needs to look away and make it more comfortable for the person they are talking to look in their direction.  While the eye wanderer may need to come back around and make eye contact with the person they are speaking to more often.  Remember, just because a person is looking away or staring directly into your soul doesn’t mean that they are not hearing what you are saying.  If you want to be sure that they are listening, throw in a “so what do you think about what I just said” and see how they answer.  A conversation needs to be engaging on both sides to keep both parties interested.

No matter which one (or any other type not mentioned here) you are, the key is to know your partner and accept that they communicate differently than you.  As long as they are actually listening and engaging in the conversation it shouldn’t matter if you are an eye wanderer or an intense eye contacterer (yup said it twice), but only that the lines of communication remain open.

Please feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts on communication and/or this article.

Author: B.A.M

temporary miscommunication

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Don’t let a temporary miscommunication become a permanent problem in your relationship.  Instead of jumping to a conclusion and going off, stay calm, and discuss what was said. More times than not you will realize that what was said was taken out of context.  All it takes is a simple talk about what you meant by what you said and how the other person understood what you were trying to say.  I can’t say it enough, that good communication is one of the main keys to having a successful relationship and growing together.

Author: B.A.M

 

Third Party Relationship advice

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Listening to the advice of others when it comes to your relationship instead of talking to your significant other is like having your friend take the medicine to make your Flu go away.  Talk to your spouse (boyfriend/girlfriend) when there is an issue instead of listening to the advice of 3rd parties who don’t know the entire story or have your best interest at heart.  Listening to the advice of others will not only cloud your judgement and delay a meaningful resolution, it may also cause a bigger problem between you two.  To keep it short and the point, if they are not sleeping in your bed, keep them out of your relationship decisions!!!

Author: B.A.M

How to Keep Your Wife Happy

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There are some women who need jewelry or some kind of gift to make them happy, while others may just want their spouse to show them more attention.  Even though the wife needs to communicate with her husband when he is slipping or is doing a great job, ultimately it is up to the husband to be in tune with his wife.  One of the main ways for a husband to keep his wife happy is to keep the lines of communication open.  A woman feels special when she knows that she is heard and feels appreciated when her man is more willing to share his thoughts and feelings with her…

Author: B.A.M

Why it’s ok to go to bed mad

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Ever since I was a little kid I have heard adults say that couples should never go to bed mad.  I was told that you should try to talk out the issues and that you and your spouse shouldn’t go to sleep until there is a resolution.  The funny thing is that every adult that has said this had constantly done just the opposite of what they were preaching.  So the saying about never going to sleep mad is a bunch of crap and I will give you a few reasons as to why it is ok.

We need to discuss this now   

Some people are just wired to have to discuss the issues right then and there and will stay up as long as it takes to come up with a resolution to the problem at hand, even though their spouse is nodding in and out of sleep.  More often than not, one of you just gives into the other out of sheer tiredness and by the time morning comes around the two of you are worst off then if you would have just gone to sleep upset.  Now instead of starting your day off fresh, rested and with a clear mind both of you are tired, cranky, and more upset.

Can we please just get some sleep

Others find it better to just go to sleep and talk about the problem in the morning.  But that is because they can fall asleep with no problem and not give the issue another thought until it is brought up again in the morning.  While their spouse will not be able to sleep due to them thinking about all the different ways the conversation could have gone, will go, and wondering how their spouse could be sleep without having things resolved.  Now one of you has a clear mind and ready to discuss the problem, but the other one is tired and more upset from letting their imaginations run wild all night.

Know your spouse

One of the most important things is to know your spouse and how they like to communicate.  Sometimes you will have to talk it out for a little while and come to some sort of mutual agreement with the option of discussing the issue further the next day.  Other times, one of you can be so upset that it is probably better to postpone the discussion until the next day when clearer heads can prevail.  And then there is my favorite, which is to have a discussion but realize that there is no real resolution at hand , so instead of beating the dead horse the two of your agree to disagree.

It doesn’t matter when or where you discuss it, it only matters that you take your spouse’s feelings/sleepiness/anger into consideration and communicate with each other to come up with the best approach to reaching a realistic solution.  As long as the lines of communication remain open as well as the options of when to communicate, it will not matter if you go to bed mad because you know the issue will be discussed shortly.

Author: B.A.M

Thank you

Forgiving and Moving on

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You don’t drive your car forward while only looking in the rear view mirror, so why do you continue to look in the past when you get into a new relationship. Instead of being scared because of what happened with your ex, learn from it. Then use it to make a smarter choice with your next. Look forward to moving forward and creating better memories with someone who deserves you and what you have to offer.  For more information on this subject click on the following link to read a more detailed article Forgiving Your Ex So You Can Move On With Your Next.

 

Author: B.A.M