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The DVR, The Wife, and Me

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After getting married I started noticing that the DVR was creeping up on 87% full more often than not.  So I start my investigation because I wanted to make sure that I had all the facts before I start my accusational (yes I know that’s not a word but you know what I mean) rant on deleting programs once you watched them.   The DVR was full of House wife’s of (insert city here), at least 5 different HGTV shows (also multiple recordings of each), DR Phil and that dag gone Fix My Life chick, oh and we can’t forget all of the Oprah shows.

Note:

Engaged couples should check out their partners DVR to get a better example of what TV shows they will be forced or coerced into watching once they are in the same household.

Sure the simple solution would be to get another DVR but I can’t do that.  That would mean paying full price for the DVR rental until my contract is up in a few months and then adding it back into a package deal for a few dollars cheaper upon renewal.

Anywho, what could be worse than getting to the good part of a drama series where you are just about to find out that the butler wasn’t the killer and BAM a pop up comes on the TV saying “Cancel one of the programs that are being recorded to stay on this channel?”  For a while I couldn’t figure out why this kept happening then I saw the pop up and heard the pitter patter of not so little feet running to the bathroom.

When I came upstairs to have a discussion about my new findings, this is how the conversation went:

Me – Did you just record a second show so that you could go to the bathroom

Her – yes, why?

Now to most men this next question makes perfect sense.

Me – why didn’t you just wait for a commercial and then go to the bathroom.

I think this is a perfectly logical way to do things because I can cook an entire delicious dinner during an hour long show by just visiting the kitchen during commercial breaks.  (Sometimes you have to adjust the heat if you are cooking on the stove to just a flicker so you can simmer for a longer period of time, but I digress).

Now to most women reading this, her response makes perfect sense.

Her – because I figured I would brush my teeth and take a shower while I was in there.

Me – (confused) then why didn’t you just wait until the show was over and get in the shower.

Here is another answer that most women deem as acceptable but most men will be confused.

Her – Because I couldn’t wait to pee.

Me – What does peeing have to do with waiting to take a shower.  Why didn’t you pee and then come back in the room and watch the rest of your show then take a shower and brush your teeth?

Ladies here is another great answer for you

Her – Because I was already in the bathroom.

Me – more confused… HUH?

Her – If I am already in the bathroom why come out when I can just get in the shower?

Me – But, um Why, hmmm I would have, well never mind, I guess what I am trying to say is you are a DVR hog.

Her – No I’m not

Me – (thinking I got you now cause I just checked the recorded shows before I came upstairs) grabbing the remote and hitting the DVR button – see you have like 6 DR Phil’s, 4 housewives, 3 of this and a few of that’s and some more of the other things.

Here is another perfectly acceptable answer for some women

Her – So!!!

Me – by tomorrow you we won’t be able to record anything; it is at 87 % full.  When I lived alone it never made it over 40%

Her – well now there are two of us so I’m only using my 40% (ladies are smiling right now thinking that she got me)

Me – No I only have 2 shows that I didn’t get to watch yet the other 30 shows are yours.  (Men in my head I gave myself a high five while saying “Gotcha”)

Her – So!!! (Then tried to look at me with a serious face until we both started laughing)

Her – Ok I will try to remember to delete some of the shows after I watch them and will try to wait until the show is over to get in the shower.

Me – When the contract is over I’m going to get you your very own DVR then you can do what you want with it.

Her – and when it gets full I will just go back to recording on the one in the living room.

Me – (trying to keep a straight face) I will just cancel the recording. LOL

This is how a lot of our conversations go with both of us standing our ground in a playful way until one of us catches the other one and they are forced to give in.  We don’t let our pride get in the way of the bigger picture which is us growing together and learning how to deal with each other every day so that we can change together.  We have both checked our egos way before we said “I DO” and when it comes to arguments “We DON’T.

Instead of arguing we discuss, instead of yelling we talk, and instead of letting something that bothers us fester we have a conversation about it then (or within a not so long time frame) and let it go.  I have witnessed some people have a silly situation like this turn into one of them storming out or having to sleep on the couch.  We refuse to live that way and have made the decision to work on our marriage and communication rather than work each other’s nerves.

Author B.A.M

Don’t Let Anger Overrule Common Sense

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Whether couples are together or have split up there are times when someone will let their anger or spite get the best of them.  When a rational resolution to an issue comes up, there needs to be a decision made as to whether you will go with the “anger answer” or the better choice of the common sense answer.

Anger vs. Common Sense

We have all been upset at something that our significant other has done and that usually ends up with us having to make a choice between anger and common sense.  Anger is a tricky little thing that will creep its way into your rational decision.  When you let anger be responsible for a question/problem the results will usually end up worse than when you started.  Anger has a way of trying to get others to be just like him.  They say that “Misery Loves Company”, well Anger is like a black hole and will do everything in its power to disrupt and suck in anything and everyone around it.

While Common Sense, on the other hand, will try to help you find a peaceful and less confrontational resolution.  Using common sense to resolve issues over anger doesn’t make you a punk or mean that people will walk over you.  Hopefully, it will make people respect you more because you kept a cool head in a bad situation and still were able to resolve the issue.

Black Friday Evilness

1)  You’re in the store on black Friday and someone tries to snatch the last “next biggest thing” out of your hand.  Do you go with:

A)   Common sense and tell MR or MS rudeness that they have more in the back or in another aisle

B)   Chop them in the throat like Melissa McCarthy in Identity Thief LOL … In times like this, “Don’t Let Anger Overrule Common Sense” or you will be on the 5 o’clock news like the other idiots after Black Friday sales.

My answer :

Use common sense, lay in bed with your laptop and log into the stores that have the black Friday sale and buy everything online.  This is what I do every year without having to wait outside in the cold or in long lines.  To quote Charlie Sheen “Winning!”

Dealing with the Evil Ex

2)  Your ex sends you angry text messages or emails about how wrong you are for “insert ex’s hateful stupid statement here” Do you:

A)   Respond back with your own evil spew that while typing your”re thinking “yeah this will fix em”

B)   Say “Thank you, hope you’re having a great day”

My answer:

Using common sense in this situation will let your ex know that they no longer have the power over you to get you upset and will also show that you have moved on.

Even though I enjoy a good debate and I am a fan of letting your ex know they are wrong for X, Y, and Z and then telling them to have a great day/night.  Sometimes with certain people, you have to respond to show them that they are incorrect but also to prove your point.  This can either be done with anger or by using common sense and out witting them in a respectful manner.  When you’re in a sticky situation with your ex try not to make things worse and “Don’t Let Anger Overrule Common Sense.”

Revenge on Your Spouse

3)  Your spouse has been slacking in (fill in the area that first comes to mind here) and you are getting fed up with what you are beginning to think is being done on purpose just to piss you off.  Do you:

A)   Listen to the little red man with the horns on your left shoulder and go ‘tit for tat’ since now it’s all about the payback and beating them.

B)   Listen to the little man on your right shoulder with the glowing halo floating over his head and use common sense while trying to reason with them, letting them know that what they have been doing is making you upset for (state reasons here).

Answer 3:

Though the easiest way to try and get your point across is to yell, pout, plot revenge, or (once again) chop them in the throat, using common sense in situations will most likely stop the need for lawyers to get involved.  Having a heart to heart without accusing your spouse of wrong doing will often times resolve the situation without making them feel like they lost a fight or gave in so “Don’t Let Anger Overrule Common Sense”

The Bottom Line

Whenever we let anger take charge of our thoughts, the outcome is rarely good or what we want it to be.  As we have said in other articles on this site communication is the key to all relationships whether it’s with your ex, the ignorant people in the store, or you spouse.  What is just as important as using common sense when you are communicating is choosing to convey your point in a productive manner rather than just displaying anger and not getting any good results.

If you choose to communicate with anger then you should expect the other person to immediately start defending themselves against everything that comes out of your mouth.  While, if you chose to lead your conversation with common sense and with a calm tone the other person will not feel like you’re attacking them by talking “at” them instead of talking to them.

We have all heard the saying “It’s not what you say but how you say it”, but that is only part of the bigger picture.  It’s not just “how you say it” but also how you start it.  You can lead off a conversation with a nice tone and still put the other person in defense mode by saying stuff like “What were you thinking when you did that?” A better choice would be to use common sense and place the blame on yourself by starting off with something like, “Maybe I’m not understanding … blah blah blah.

Using common sense to approach whatever situation it is will usually have a better outcome than letting anger lead your way.  Even though we all would like to chop someone in the throat from time to time, the best approach is to use common sense from the start, middle, and ending of a situation to help all parties involved to keep a clear mind, cooler head and to come up with the best resolution.

Feel free to leave us a comment on this article or if you can you think of a specific time when you should have used common sense instead of anger?

Author: B.A.M

8 Reasons Why Men Should Practice Shut Up

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A lot of people like to try to get the last word when having a discussion or disagreement with their spouse.  One of the biggest issues that men have in a relationship occurs before the disagreement or argument starts.  Men have an uncanny (or idiotic) sense of getting the first word in at the wrong time.  Here is a list of times when men should just “Practice Shut Up”.

8.  When your wife comes home from the mall with three pair of expensive shoes and doesn’t ask for your opinion.  Instead of asking why she would buy three pair of shoes that are the same color (men, you will never see outside of the basic primary colors) just “Practice shut up” and be happy that she only came home with three.

7.  When you finished cooking a nice meal all for your selfish self (yes I know that’s not correct) then you ask your wife to clean the dishes.  Before you get hit with a frying pan you should “Practice Shut Up”, get your lazy butt up, and get to cleaning.

6.  When your wife comes home and sees the 65 inch HD TV and without knowing that she checked the bank account before she left work you say something stupid like “insert best friend’s name who is also an idiot here” lost a bet and gave it to me.  Instead of lying, don’t try to explain why you are stupid; just apologize and “Practice Shut Up”.

5.  When your wife says that she is going to the mall and you’re thinking “Don’t spend too much money.”  Do just that, “think it” because if you don’t “Practice Shut Up” and actually say it she may just spend more money out of spite.

4.  When your wife comes home from a hard day’s work upset and the first thing you ask her is, what she is cooking for dinner even though you have been on the couch for the last 2 hours watching sports center.  You probably should have thought ahead because this is a perfect time to “Practice Shut Up.”

3.  When your wife’s best friend that you can’t stand comes over who feels the same about you, “Practice Shut Up” and go to your man cave away from all of the cackling and enjoy your peace.

2.  When you’re in your glory watching sports and your wife comes in complaining about it.  Instead of opening your yap trap and saying something like “This is better than any of your house wives shows” remember to just smile, continue cheering for your team, and “Practice Shut Up”, it’s so much simpler.

1.  When your wife tells you that her mother is coming to stay for a month, this one is self explanatory, just walk away and “Practice Shut Up.”

Though communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, knowing when and how to communicate is just as important.  Remember that it’s not always what you say but how you say it.  I hope these simple tips can help you keep the peace at home, shutting up can be a beautiful thing.  Ladies the same could be said for you but the list would be too long for me to type tonight.  LOL relax, I’m just kidding, but seriously.

Author:  B.A.M

Would You Stay With Someone Like You

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When a couple starts dating both parties usually put “their best foot forward,” trying to show their best qualities while suppressing some of their worst.  Over time the personality traits that they were attempting to hide start to seep out of their hidden shameful crevasses and make their way to the surface.  After a year or so with your attitude, selfishness, or any other short coming that you may have, you need to ask yourself, “Would you Stay With You” if the roles were reversed.

Your Attitude Sucks

In the beginning you were pleasant, walked around smelling the roses and just enjoyed life.  After a few months or years there has been a change in your attitude.  Now you are full of so much negativity and you hate this or that for no reason at all.  Your significant other unsuccessfully tries to make you feel better about whatever change in your life that caused you to turn into such an unhappy person.

Sure, every now and then the two of you have good times.  But that is few and far between; you’re constantly complaining and bickering about everything.  You are a grumpy person who can’t see the sun due to the extra dark shades that you have placed over your own eyes.  You say that you appreciate your partner for sticking with you through your self-inflicted dark times, then you turn right back around wallowing in your self-inflected self-pity (insert violin music and Justin Timberlake singing “Cry Me a River”).  Try looking at you through your partner’s eyes and think to yourself “Would You Stay with Someone like You”

What are you doing that makes you so Jealous

When you first started dating you were care free and didn’t keep tabs on your significant other, but after dating for a while or even marriage now you “need to know” where they are every second of the day.  You are constantly calling/texting and have the feeling of self-doubt when you don’t get an answer or a return call/text.  You use to have so much confidence in your relationship and now you are self-conscious about it because you love them so much that you don’t want to lose them.

You try to hold on to them and their every movement so tightly that you begin to lose grip of them and your relationship.  The question is, what are you doing that makes you not trust your significant other anymore?  Are you projecting the guilt from the dastardly (I have always wanted to use that word in a sentence from Saturday morning cartoons ever since this blog started) dirty deeds that you are/have done to your partner and turning it into distrust even though they haven’t done anything for you not to trust them?

Your jealousy is scary and is pushing them away from you.  You keep saying you will change but after a few weeks you’re right back to badgering them about their whereabouts, hiding in bushes, and playing forty question about how and who they spent their day with.  You get upset when you hear them talking to friends of the opposite sex, even though they have known them for years longer than they have known you.  So once again, if your partner treated you the way you have been treating them “Would You Stay with Someone Like You?”

Take a Good Look At Yourself

There are too many different scenarios that I could write about here but I don’t feel like writing a book right now.  The main reason for writing this is to get you to think about the things that you do, that your partner constantly complains about. It is a problem if your partner is constantly trying to talk you off of the pity party ledge; you need to say to yourself… If things were reversed “Would You Stay With Someone Like You”?

If the answer to that question is “No”, then you need to sit down with your partner and have a serious conversation. Ask them to help you get back to who you use to be or help you balance growing into this “New You,” even if that means the two of you go to counseling.  Your relationship can get back to the good times if you both are willing to put in 100% towards working to bring back better days.

Let Your Kids Fail

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Some psychologist or person who has way too many degrees and no social skills has come up with the idea that there is a something wrong with kids being picked last for a team or children’s sports shouldn’t have scores because losing and/or being picked last is bad for children’s ego.  It is because of this that kids are losing their competitive edge and are more than happy settling for the last place trophies.   Parents “Let Your Kids Fail” and help them to build confidence and healthy competitiveness so that they will be able to function in the world as teens and adults.

These Kids Aren’t Even Trying to Win

I went to a friend’s kid’s game and watched these little non-athletic snotty nose children running around looking like big gnats with sports jerseys on.  I didn’t know what the score was so I asked someone if the score board was broken to which they said “No, at this age we don’t keep scores for the kids because they get upset if they think that they lost.”  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing so I asked, “ Is that why a bunch of kids aren’t even trying?”  To which another parent said “This is a development league, they are just learning the game and having fun.”

Parents, how can you build your child’s competitiveness, develop your child and teach your child about good sportsmanship if the score is not kept and there is no reason to be competitive?  They say that “life isn’t about winning or losing but how you play the game”, but these kids aren’t even trying to play the game.  Parents, it’s okay to “Let Your Kids Fail” because that is how they will build character or that driving force within themselves to do their best.

Last Place Trophy

What in the Ham Eggs and Cheese is a last place trophy and where did this crap come from?  How do you go DEFEATED for an entire season and still get a trophy?   To me, this is hurting the kids in the long wrong and giving them a sense of entitlenent.  Whatever happened to trying your best and earning accolades?  I heard one kid say to another who was on the defeated team “Dag y’all didn’t win a single game” to which the defeated kid said “So, I still got a trophy!”

The thought that this kid was happy to lose every game because he still got a trophy is a sign of what is wrong with the kids today.  A lot of kids  use to have society as a wakeup call, but now society is one of the main causes of the problem.  Society has set the standard that makes kids think that they are owed something from the world.  All because society won’t “Let Your Kids Fail” the teens today don’t have the work ethic that teens had even 10 years ago and are happy just “being” without being a part of something great.  It seems to me that mediocrity is the new standard of excellence.  It is a sad day on earth when more attention is paid to mediocrity instead of to those who despite the obstacles and challenges choose to be outstanding.

You Are Not Entitled to Jack

I am so tired of this generation of slackers feeling like they should be rewarded for doing nothing or just enough to make it look like they tried.  Some of these kids are so spoiled that they feel they should be paid for shoveling the snow at the house they live in.  Some kids feel that doing household chores is beneath them and I blame this on the parents.  Parents need to step up and let their children know that no one is going to give them the things that they want in life.

Instead of adding to their feelings of being entitled, how about making them earn the things that they want.  If the parents keep celebrating mediocrity their kids most likely will be living with them well into their thirties because they have no reason nor do they know how to strive for better.  This is “The Lasting Effect” (Click this link to read a previous post called The Lasting Effect) of the parents and society stripping the kids of their healthy competitive edge and will to do better.

Parents, society as a whole has begun to coddle the kids for way too long.  We are failing our youth and giving them the mindset that doing “just enough” to get by is acceptable because in the past they have been celebrated for their laziness.  Then people are wondering why their kids fail out of college or reach adulthood and don’t have the strong work ethic that is needed to survive.  It is because of this that you need to “Let Your Kids Fail.”  So, if no other reason, you won’t be stuck with a slacker living with you during your golden years.

The Lasting Effect

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The days of “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” are long gone.  Yes, a broken bone will heal in time but your words have been proven to have a “Lasting effect” on people for years and sometimes a lifetime.  It’s not just kids on the playground that have to watch how they speak, parents need to take more care and choose their words wisely.

In The Heat of the Moment

Let start this section off honestly.  Kids sometimes get on our nerves and like to try adults patience but that does not give the parents the right to “talk down” to them.  Yes, in the heat of the moment we can say some hurtful things and expect our kids to just be able to get over the problem just because we say so.

Instead of reacting to a situation with “what are you stupid, why would you do that?” try taking a second to compose yourself and ask them if they knew what they were doing was wrong and after they answer, explain to them what was the correct way to handle whatever the situation.  Next, explain to them why they will be punished.

Handling it this way takes out the negativity and will not have the child feeling like a stupid failure or confused as to what is going on.  I have heard kids say that they were stupid and they only feel that way because their parents call them that all the time.  A simple “you’re smarter than that” may have been all that was needed to give the child the push to do better.

The Bad Child

Once again, if you continue to call a kid something they will eventually start believing it and also become it.  I see young mothers and fathers letting their younger children get away with murder.  They laugh when the infant curses or swings at them and will just laugh and say “he is so bad.”  What these parents don’t realize is that their children see this as a way of getting attention (positive and negative) and will continue to do the things that get a reaction from them.

Fast forward a couple years and now the child is cursing at them in the store in front of a bunch of people, but now the parent doesn’t think it is so cute.  Now the parent will go to the other extreme and are no longer laughing but mad and calling them bad and/or popping them.  Remember you already ingrained in them that this behavior was a way to get attention but now the child is confused because you are now angry at what use to make you laugh.  Your lack of disciplining inappropriate behavior from the beginning now pushes you to the other extreme, which will also have a rippling effect on the way your child acts.

You’re still calling them bad but now they get in trouble for their actions which is not entirely their fault.  It is because of the parent’s words, reaction, appearance of acceptance and the child’s non acceptable behavior is having a “Lasting Effect” that has the child growing up thinking that they are in fact bad.  I wonder how things would have turned out with this same child if you expressed disappointment in their action from the beginning instead of showing acceptance and then anger later.

You need to go on a diet

Now let me start off by saying that I cannot stand seeing an overweight 6 yr. old scarfing down a big mac, fries and soda.  But that is not their fault, it is their parents fault.  What makes this even worst is when the parent continues to call the child fat or is constantly telling the kid that they need to go on a diet.  The child is now getting picked on in school and this is all due to the actions of the parents and the unhealthy choices that were made for the child.

Some parents don’t take into account that their actions and words will have a “Lasting Effect” on their child or that they may grow up with an eating disorder, health challenges or just continue to get bigger because that is all they know.  What if the parents instilled good eating habits from early on and had the child eating mostly healthy food when they were younger?

Parents, your words and actions have a “Lasting Effect” on your children which means that you have to find positive ways to reprimand them.  You can’t feed a child chicken nuggets and burgers every day and then one day show up with a salad.  Parents please model and encourage the behavior that you want from your children early on.  Instill in them consequences for their actions and healthy eating habits and other things that will have a positive effect on their attitude and health.  I know each child is different and some can shrug off the negativity and still continue to do what is right.

But, are you willing to take that chance with your child?

Author:  B.A.M

Praising the Behavior You Want From Your Spouse

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In life a lot of people find it easy to criticize mistakes made by others.  One of the main problems is some people would rather criticize than give acknowledgment to the great things done by their partner.  This brings up the question, why won’t people praise the behavior from their spouse that they want to continue?

Why Do You Always Have To…

Whenever a person starts a sentence off with “Why do you always have to…?” often times something negative follows.  I know when I hear that I automatically start to think “Oh boy what am I getting accused of doing now?”, or I just get myself ready for the start of the bashing session.  Instead of starting off a conversation with a condemnation, try starting off with something positive that the person has done.  People react better to positivity than they do negativity so instead of saying “When are you going to take out the garbage?” try saying something like “Thanks for sweeping the floor, oh Babe tomorrow is garbage day, can you take it out please?”.  Starting off with “Thank you” and without the negativity will reduce the stress and increase the probability of having a good CONVERSATION and better results.

A lot of us tend to place more importance on the bad instead of focusing on the good things that our spouses do.  If you’re going to complain about him not taking out the garbage and then when he does take it out you say something dumb like “About time you did it without me asking you to!” don’t expect him to take it out again.  Why would he take the garbage out if you’re going to give him the same grief as if he didn’t?  You can’t complain when a person doesn’t do something and still complain when they do it on their own.  Say something as simple as, “Thanks for taking out the garbage Babe”.

Those words will go a long way and if you keep “Praising the behavior you want” he may just do other things around the house that he was putting off because of your crappy nagging attitude.  Men are simple and just want to be appreciated for what they do.  Your appreciation will be the energy he needs to continue doing great things around the house.

Do You Have To Look At Every Single Rack

Men, I’m going to take it back to the mall for this example only because it’s more relatable to most of you.  Trying to rush a woman out of a mall is like pushing an elephant through a mouse hole… It ain’t gonna happen, so why bother!  I know I am guilty of this and it never gets me anywhere.  Pouting around the store, walking in and out of the store only to come back and see that she is still at the same rack.  Now there are times when a woman who loves to just look around at everything in every store will go into a store, get what she went in to get, and  leave before the man had a chance to update his Facebook status with the complaint of “being stuck in the mall”. This is the time to “Praise the behavior you want” because it’s not going to happen that often.

When this rare opportunity presents itself men are usually so in shock that they don’t know how to formulate the positive words to give the praise that is due at this glorious moment so something dumb like “See is that so hard, get in, get out, why can’t you do that all the time?”… LOL… There probably isn’t a man reading this that has a wife who loves to shop and can waste an entire work day in the mall that hasn’t said something close to that, but once again I digress. (Not so shameless plug of another mall rant… click this link to read the article Marriage Takes Work but Shouldn’t Feel Like a Job) Men you must try not to go into complete shock so that you can say something like “Ok Sweetie thanks for not taking so long, is there another store that you want to go to or do you want to go eat now”?

WARNING:  Only say the part about going to another store if you know for a fact that she is starving and you have heard her stomach playing the bongos.

“Praising the behavior you want” when the opportunity presents itself is not about training your partner like a pet.  It is about focusing more on the positive actions and the good that your partner does rather than dwelling on the negative.  A relationship full of complaints is one that is full of Ain’t, meaning nothing will ever get done.  Showing appreciation for what each of you bring to the table will help to keep things light and fun while you both get household chores accomplished.

Remember to always choose your battles wisely and praise your small victories!!!

 Author: B.A.M

Your Man Cheated But You’re Mad At Her

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Your man cheated on you and you found out that he lied to the other woman by telling her he was single or not dating anyone.  What sense does being mad at her and giving your cheating man a pass make?  Stop passing the blame onto the other woman so that you won’t have to deal with the possibility of losing a loser.  Is it insecurity that makes you stay with someone that lies and cheats on you?  Or is it fear of being alone?

If you won’t stand up for yourself you will continue to be walked over…

http://ballnchainz.com

Marriage Is Our Ministry – Assigning Value

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Once again BnCz has come across another great video that we wanted to share with our readers so we contacted the owner and got their permission to post it on our site.  After watching this video make sure that you visit the Marriage is Our Ministry website http://www.marriageisourministry.com  and Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/marriageisourministry.  In the following video Oliver Marcelle is speaking on this simple but important subject of assigning value to yourself, your relationship, and your spouse.

Marriage Takes Work but Shouldn’t Feel Like a Job

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My spouse and I always get asked the question “So how is marriage treating you?” to which we both respond, “it’s fine” or “great” or “no complaints”…  This happens when we are together or separate.  Then there are others who offer us advice about how to handle arguments and say stuff like “Don’t worry every married couple has arguments you just need to… (Insert advice on handling arguments here).  We just sit there with blank looks on our faces because believe it or not we have never had a real argument.  Last week we were talking about this and she asked how I felt about all of the people that say that marriage is hard work.   I responded “Marriage Takes Work but Shouldn’t Feel like a Job” then we looked at each other, smiled, and both said “That’s the next article that should be written”.

Yes My Spouse Gets On My Nerves

Here is a scenario that really “Burns my britches” LOL (I have been waiting to use that one).  I’m downstairs on the couch with the remote in hand, laid back and sunk in the couch to the perfect “butt to cushion” ratio and I hear from upstairs:

Her – (yelling from the bed) – Jubair!

Me – Yeah?

Her – Can you come here?

Me – For what?

Her – I want to ask you something?

Me – What?

Her – Can you just come here?

Me – Can’t you just call me?

Her – Can you just come here?

Me –  After kicking my legs in the air like a kid having a tantrum which causes me to lose my perfect “butt to cushion ratio” so I finally get up and slowly walk up the stairs, open the room door and say – Yes?

Her – Look at this (to which I sometimes want to say “You called me up here for this?”) but most of the time I say something like “OK, yes that’s nice” but I guess my face says “You called me up here for this?” We end up continuing to talk about whatever it was and then I eventually make my way back downstairs but never can find the “butt to cushion” ratio again for the rest of the night.

Now in all fairness, she’ll come down to see me from time to time to show/tell me whatever it is that she wanted me to know.  The point of this is that sometimes you have to do things that you don’t want to do in order to keep the happy home.  Me getting up is not a big deal except for the fact that I am lazy.  My choices are don’t get up and possibly get into an argument or a long conversation on why it shouldn’t be a big deal for me to get up or get up and take a few minutes away from perfect “butt to cushion ratio” to see what she is so excited about showing/telling me.  Me, not losing my perfect “butt to cushion ration” (yes I had to say it again) is not worth having an unhappy spouse.  Now there are times when I won’t get up but that depends on the situation.  As long as we continue working towards a common goal and better communication we will continue to be fine.  “Marriage does takes work but shouldn’t feel like a job” so I am constantly working on me so that there can be a happier we.

Yes I Get On My Spouses’ Nerves

I know that it is hard to believe but there may be times where I get on my spouses’ nerves.  I can be stubborn and I know that gets on her nerves so I work on that but what I think gets on her nerves the most is my lack of a lot of words during conversations.  I am straight and to the point and she needs more words to get her point across.  So I tend to hurry her up or try to finish her sentences (by finish I mean cut her off to shorten the conversation).  I know this pisses her off because she will stop talking, scrunch her perfectly manicured eyebrows (maybe that compliment will keep us argument free once she reads this… LOL) together and cut me off with “What was I going to say?” or “That’s not what I was going to say”, or the worst one “Are you done, can I finish now?”

Oh wait, another thing that I do that gets on her nerves is, try to rush her in the mall or store (I can see a bunch of ladies now shaking their head and pointing to the monitor saying “Amen”).  I am the first to admit that I have negative infinite patience when it comes to shopping and most times I would rather pluck every eyelash that I have and then go stand outside in a swarm of gnats.  Whoever invented the mall has earned a lifelong enemy in me and that goes for all of their off spring too… but I digress… (If you’re new to this site, I just like saying that)…  I turn into a 5 year old, pouting and throwing tantrums cause Men, say it with me) “I’m ready to go.”  After I eat my pretzel and/or Cinnabon I feel that it is “time to go.”  I know this is selfish but I asked you to leave me home (or sometimes you trick me).  Rushing her while she is shopping (or just looking at stuff from store to store) makes me want to yell out “Buy something already so we can go.”

As much as I hate the mall and shopping in general, sometimes I go and I indulge her with “Oh yeah that’s nice” or “Yes that shade of pink is much nicer than the other 4 (even though I can’t see the difference)”.  For me shopping is like having a job at a skunk de-scenting factory but I do this because I love her and shopping makes her happy even if she goes to 20 stores and doesn’t buy anything, she is happy.  I don’t know why but shopping with me makes her even happier.

But What Did You Do

Here is another scenario that could have been blown completely out of proportion.  This weekend the spouse and I were in a store.  She asked me to go and get toilet paper and paper towels.  As I was walking away she yells out “Don’t forget to get the select a size ones” to which I grunt, nod, and keep on going.  I’m the type of shopper that will remember that “we need” stuff as I’m walking so I pick up a few more items (that are on sale) then get the toilet tissue and paper towels.  In the paper towel/tissue isle I start scanning for sale signs.  I get to the first set of paper towels and look at the picture to see if it shows perforated (meaning select a size).  Nope, so I move on to the next and once again nope so on to the next sale item and to my internal happiness I see the picture that I was looking for so I quickly chuck them in the cart.  Next I go to the toilet tissue section and find a good name brand that had pockets and softness and all that other good stuff. But most importantly it was on sale so I chuck them in the cart and think that’s it we are outta here.

I get back to the spouse and she sees the paper towels and those perfectly manicured eyebrows 🙂 almost touch followed by “Why did you get these, I like …” (insert your name brand here).  As she is taking them out and walking up the isle I get my smart comment in.  “Well you should have just said you wanted that brand, all you said was you wanted some with select a size”.  So she goes and gets the other name brand that she likes and as she is putting them in the cart she realizes that the toilet tissue isn’t “the ones” that she likes.  Now her eyebrows almost touching aren’t as cute as she says again louder “Why did you get these, I like …” (insert your name brand her).

I said then “Why did you send me to get them, next time you can go get them yourself.” Then I followed that with “see I can’t shop with you, I’m never going shopping with you again!” (Remember I told you when it comes to shopping, I turn into a 5 year old… don’t judge me). Then she said “That is a little extreme” and we finished our next few minutes of shopping “TALKING”.  She wasn’t aware of her eyebrows and tone of voice and I wasn’t aware of my little fit.  This was a misunderstanding that could have been blown up into a full on argument, but because we are constantly working on our communication we were laughing a few minutes later.

One of the most important things that we say about our marriage is that we both want it to work so; we discuss things all the time.  If I say something that can be taken multiple ways she will ask me exactly what did you mean when you said that, because she doesn’t want to take what I said the wrong way.  If she does something I don’t like we talk about it and every single time her actions weren’t meant in the bad way that I could have taken them.  Basically, we try not to jump to conclusions when it comes to the other person and we are constantly working on our communication and us.

We both believe that in order for a marriage to be healthy and work, sometimes you both will have to compromise and do things that you don’t like to do.   We will take a small sacrifice that makes each other happy over being stubborn and bickering over nonsense any day.  Remember, if you’re willing to do the work your marriage will never feel like a job.

Author:  Jubair and Tyanna