A lot of couples are fine and enjoying a life full of vacations, nights out on the town and freedom to come and go as they please. Life is nothing but “Hey Babe, What do you want to do tonight?” or “Lets go away for a weekend getaway.” There is nothing anchoring them to the home or stopping them from taking an impulsive vacation and then the kid comes. Now they are not only parents and responsible for the life of a little one but they are “No Longer an Empty Nest.”
I’m Not Changing Diapers
I have heard many men say some of the dumbest things once they found out that their wife was pregnant. One of the dumbest things I have heard was “I’m Not Changing Diapers.” Once you say this it puts in the back of the woman’s mind that they will be going through what is supposed to be a great time in your lives by their self.
What you just told your partner is that you are better than them and that you will only do the things involving the kid that you deem as acceptable for someone of your upstanding pedigree. You have brought tension into your relationship before the child is born. You have turned what used to be your partnership into what could be seen as a dictatorship. The party doesn’t have to stop because you have a child, but there needs to remain a partnership between the two of you even when there is “No Longer an Empty Nest”.
When do I Get a Break
Okay, so the kid is here and your wife is no longer working and is staying home with the child. You come home from work complaining about how bad your day was and turn on the TV kicking your feet up on the ottoman. Your wife is now looking at you like you are a complete idiot because she just spent the entire day trying to take care of a crying child and hasn’t slept much during the day or night because you claim you can’t get up to take care of the baby.
Once again this is suppose to be a partnership and there needs to be some compromise on who does what and when things get done. What a lot of couples miss is the conversation that goes along with having kids. It doesn’t have to be a long drawn out conversation. It could be as simple as “Babe, when I get home from work let me change my clothes and then I will take over so you can have a break to sleep or even just leave the house for some alone time.” Fellas, if you said that to your lady how much do you think you would be appreciated for taking her feelings into consideration and taking some of the pressure off of her. Remember the stress level of both of you is off the charts while learning to deal with each other when it involves taking care of a new child.
How Do We Stay a Team
Life doesn’t stop because you have a kid. All that is needed is a little more planning and having conversations about changes in schedule and not only understanding but helping each other out. When it comes to kids and the responsibilities that each of the parents have, what is important to remember is there is no script and the parents will have to constantly adjust to issues, challenges (with each other and the kids) and simply just life that arises.
Another thing that is important to remember when staying a team is not to point fingers. There is no “I did”, “you did”, “you always” or “I always”, only “We _______ (fill in the blank). Just because you have a kid doesn’t mean that the vacations have to stop, if you were big on vacationing before having a kid then keep on vacationing as long as you are financially able to do so. There are things called family vacations!!!
When there is No Longer an Empty Nest life should be more fulfilling. The bond between the two of you should strengthen the team not weaken it. Life can be as simple as a few conversations and may take more planning, time, and patience but in the end it is worth it.