My spouse and I always get asked the question “So how is marriage treating you?” to which we both respond, “it’s fine” or “great” or “no complaints”… This happens when we are together or separate. Then there are others who offer us advice about how to handle arguments and say stuff like “Don’t worry every married couple has arguments you just need to… (Insert advice on handling arguments here). We just sit there with blank looks on our faces because believe it or not we have never had a real argument. Last week we were talking about this and she asked how I felt about all of the people that say that marriage is hard work. I responded “Marriage Takes Work but Shouldn’t Feel like a Job” then we looked at each other, smiled, and both said “That’s the next article that should be written”.
Yes My Spouse Gets On My Nerves
Here is a scenario that really “Burns my britches” LOL (I have been waiting to use that one). I’m downstairs on the couch with the remote in hand, laid back and sunk in the couch to the perfect “butt to cushion” ratio and I hear from upstairs:
Her – (yelling from the bed) – Jubair!
Me – Yeah?
Her – Can you come here?
Me – For what?
Her – I want to ask you something?
Me – What?
Her – Can you just come here?
Me – Can’t you just call me?
Her – Can you just come here?
Me – After kicking my legs in the air like a kid having a tantrum which causes me to lose my perfect “butt to cushion ratio” so I finally get up and slowly walk up the stairs, open the room door and say – Yes?
Her – Look at this (to which I sometimes want to say “You called me up here for this?”) but most of the time I say something like “OK, yes that’s nice” but I guess my face says “You called me up here for this?” We end up continuing to talk about whatever it was and then I eventually make my way back downstairs but never can find the “butt to cushion” ratio again for the rest of the night.
Now in all fairness, she’ll come down to see me from time to time to show/tell me whatever it is that she wanted me to know. The point of this is that sometimes you have to do things that you don’t want to do in order to keep the happy home. Me getting up is not a big deal except for the fact that I am lazy. My choices are don’t get up and possibly get into an argument or a long conversation on why it shouldn’t be a big deal for me to get up or get up and take a few minutes away from perfect “butt to cushion ratio” to see what she is so excited about showing/telling me. Me, not losing my perfect “butt to cushion ration” (yes I had to say it again) is not worth having an unhappy spouse. Now there are times when I won’t get up but that depends on the situation. As long as we continue working towards a common goal and better communication we will continue to be fine. “Marriage does takes work but shouldn’t feel like a job” so I am constantly working on me so that there can be a happier we.
Yes I Get On My Spouses’ Nerves
I know that it is hard to believe but there may be times where I get on my spouses’ nerves. I can be stubborn and I know that gets on her nerves so I work on that but what I think gets on her nerves the most is my lack of a lot of words during conversations. I am straight and to the point and she needs more words to get her point across. So I tend to hurry her up or try to finish her sentences (by finish I mean cut her off to shorten the conversation). I know this pisses her off because she will stop talking, scrunch her perfectly manicured eyebrows (maybe that compliment will keep us argument free once she reads this… LOL) together and cut me off with “What was I going to say?” or “That’s not what I was going to say”, or the worst one “Are you done, can I finish now?”
Oh wait, another thing that I do that gets on her nerves is, try to rush her in the mall or store (I can see a bunch of ladies now shaking their head and pointing to the monitor saying “Amen”). I am the first to admit that I have negative infinite patience when it comes to shopping and most times I would rather pluck every eyelash that I have and then go stand outside in a swarm of gnats. Whoever invented the mall has earned a lifelong enemy in me and that goes for all of their off spring too… but I digress… (If you’re new to this site, I just like saying that)… I turn into a 5 year old, pouting and throwing tantrums cause Men, say it with me) “I’m ready to go.” After I eat my pretzel and/or Cinnabon I feel that it is “time to go.” I know this is selfish but I asked you to leave me home (or sometimes you trick me). Rushing her while she is shopping (or just looking at stuff from store to store) makes me want to yell out “Buy something already so we can go.”
As much as I hate the mall and shopping in general, sometimes I go and I indulge her with “Oh yeah that’s nice” or “Yes that shade of pink is much nicer than the other 4 (even though I can’t see the difference)”. For me shopping is like having a job at a skunk de-scenting factory but I do this because I love her and shopping makes her happy even if she goes to 20 stores and doesn’t buy anything, she is happy. I don’t know why but shopping with me makes her even happier.
But What Did You Do
Here is another scenario that could have been blown completely out of proportion. This weekend the spouse and I were in a store. She asked me to go and get toilet paper and paper towels. As I was walking away she yells out “Don’t forget to get the select a size ones” to which I grunt, nod, and keep on going. I’m the type of shopper that will remember that “we need” stuff as I’m walking so I pick up a few more items (that are on sale) then get the toilet tissue and paper towels. In the paper towel/tissue isle I start scanning for sale signs. I get to the first set of paper towels and look at the picture to see if it shows perforated (meaning select a size). Nope, so I move on to the next and once again nope so on to the next sale item and to my internal happiness I see the picture that I was looking for so I quickly chuck them in the cart. Next I go to the toilet tissue section and find a good name brand that had pockets and softness and all that other good stuff. But most importantly it was on sale so I chuck them in the cart and think that’s it we are outta here.
I get back to the spouse and she sees the paper towels and those perfectly manicured eyebrows 🙂 almost touch followed by “Why did you get these, I like …” (insert your name brand here). As she is taking them out and walking up the isle I get my smart comment in. “Well you should have just said you wanted that brand, all you said was you wanted some with select a size”. So she goes and gets the other name brand that she likes and as she is putting them in the cart she realizes that the toilet tissue isn’t “the ones” that she likes. Now her eyebrows almost touching aren’t as cute as she says again louder “Why did you get these, I like …” (insert your name brand her).
I said then “Why did you send me to get them, next time you can go get them yourself.” Then I followed that with “see I can’t shop with you, I’m never going shopping with you again!” (Remember I told you when it comes to shopping, I turn into a 5 year old… don’t judge me). Then she said “That is a little extreme” and we finished our next few minutes of shopping “TALKING”. She wasn’t aware of her eyebrows and tone of voice and I wasn’t aware of my little fit. This was a misunderstanding that could have been blown up into a full on argument, but because we are constantly working on our communication we were laughing a few minutes later.
One of the most important things that we say about our marriage is that we both want it to work so; we discuss things all the time. If I say something that can be taken multiple ways she will ask me exactly what did you mean when you said that, because she doesn’t want to take what I said the wrong way. If she does something I don’t like we talk about it and every single time her actions weren’t meant in the bad way that I could have taken them. Basically, we try not to jump to conclusions when it comes to the other person and we are constantly working on our communication and us.
We both believe that in order for a marriage to be healthy and work, sometimes you both will have to compromise and do things that you don’t like to do. We will take a small sacrifice that makes each other happy over being stubborn and bickering over nonsense any day. Remember, if you’re willing to do the work your marriage will never feel like a job.
Author: Jubair and Tyanna