Though no one gets married with the expectation of getting divorced, it happens and it hurts. Some people will hold onto the hurt and live miserably or just give up on love, while others will do the things necessary to get themselves together and move on. As a divorced person who chose to move on and live a better life, I’m writing this article to let you know that there is life after divorce.
If you’re reading this and your divorce is still ongoing click this link to read the article “Divorce is only ugly if you make it that way”.
Divorce isn’t fair for anyone involved
The divorce is over and the two of you have to learn to live separate lives. At this point it doesn’t matter who did what to whom or why. All that matters is that you can manage your hurt so that you can function as you use to (it took a little while for me to learn this). The world doesn’t stop because you got divorced and now the most important thing that you can do is come up with a plan on how you are going to PRODUCTIVELY move on.
Don’t go out wasting your time trying to ruin your Ex’s life, because, all of the negativity that you are putting out towards them will just come back into your life. Instead go out and better yourself because like they say “the best revenge on an ex is to succeed without them”. You will never have a life after divorce if your emotions are stuck hating your ex.
Why waste time hating someone you’re no longer with
I know so many men and women who cannot stand the sight of their ex and will have a complete change in attitude if they are in the same place as them. If they get a single glimpse of someone who looks like their ex, then their entire day/night is ruined. Why would you give up your happiness just because a person that you are no longer with steps into the same party/place as you?
You are in charge of you and your emotions and when you let the sight of an ex change your mood then you are relinquishing the power of your emotions to them. You are so stuck on the past that you are letting someone you are no longer with to hold you back. One of the dumbest things that most people do after a divorce is forget that there is life after divorce and if you can forgive your ex you will be able to move forward (This is another article that we have written, click this link “Forgiving your ex so you can move on with your next” to read more).
I’m never getting married again
After my divorce I just knew that I was going to end up as the “old person in the club” because I was not only dead set on not getting married again but I wasn’t even trying to have a relationship (I tried right after the marriage and when that didn’t work I was done). I was on a break from anything that could remotely turn into something that resembled a relationship. I would go out with people and once the “R” word (relationship for those who can’t follow) came up, just like Usain Bolt when the gun goes off… I was out. I wasn’t just a sprinter, I was also a long distance runner and I ran for a while, and was just focusing on working, chilling, and being just happy with me.
I was pretty successful at my job and aged pretty good so I was getting a lot of attention from people of the opposite sex (who have been recently divorce or never married) but I just didn’t want to be bothered. I wasn’t bitter or mad I really just didn’t want to be bothered with a relationship so I kept running. After years of running and running from one person to the next, just like Forrest Gump I just stopped and decided it was time to stop running and get back to the person that I was.
I sat down with a friend of mine and when they asked if I was still against relationships I said if it happens then it happens but I’m not going out looking for one. Then I met someone and started spending more time with them. A year or so later I sat down with the same friend and they said “things seem to be getting serious would you ever marry them”. I gave the same response and said if it happens then it happens but I’m not actively thinking about it. Fast forward six months and I was not only enjoying life after divorce, but I was once again married but this time happily.
Being divorced may have its challenges but, if you’re willing to get out of your own way, things may work out for you. I’m not saying that you won’t have any other bad relationships but, if you go about things wisely and pay attention to the signs that people are inadvertently showing you, then you will be fine. There is life after divorce if you’re open to accepting the good heart that may come your way.