There are a lot of reasons why relationships end.  The easiest to move on from is when the two of you just grew apart and decide to end it and still remain cool.  The two hardest to move on from, for some people are abuse (emotional and physical) and cheating.  These seem to become a never ending cycle or distrust and wall building that no significant other will put up with for long.  The only way to move on with your life and start new is to forgive your Ex so you and the Next can start with a clean slate.  lol how many people just sucked their teeth or rolled their eyes again?

I’m Single Because I Choose To Be

Now don’t get me wrong I know there are also those who are honest with themselves and admit that they are not ready for another relationship and take the time to heal and get back to finding and loving themselves. Sure there are times when you just got out of a relationship and decide you just want to chill or not be bothered.  But for the most part, when I hear woman and men say this, I know it’s a lie.

When you have been single for years but have been going on first and second dates but no further, it’s probably because the other people can see the problems you are still carrying around involving your Ex in those few times that you spent together.  You may not be aware of it but you could be carrying so much of your Ex’s baggage that there isn’t any room for a Next in your life.  It’s like you having a huge dresser filled with all the stuff from your Ex (betrayal, abuse, cheating), and your Next only gets half of a sock draw for them to put their love in.  Now let’s up the stakes here a little bit, instead of a dresser let’s take the same analogy and place it in your heart.  The Next doesn’t stand a chance because there isn’t enough room for them, and before you know it you find yourself single again.  Forgiving your Ex would empty out some of space that the Ex is currently occupying in you, making more room the Next and the new memories that you will build together.

Who You Have Become, Because Of Who You Were With

In the past you were abused physically, mentally or both so now you have on your armor.  You use to be a caring and loving soul and put your all into your relationship.  Now there are only small traces of who you use to be. You turned into a blunt, no nonsense, not taking any crap kind of person and you don’t ever want what happened to you with the Ex to happen again.  This is not who you really are, it is who you have become to try and stop an action that has not and may not have ever occurred again.

This is dangerous because you are so guarded and jaded that you can’t see the great Next in front of you.  You become so wrapped up fighting the monster behind you that can’t see the possibilities that the Next has to offer.  There are some people who will deal with this for a while.  Thinking that you will one day see them for who they are and not for the person you use to be with.  But that day will never come until you let go of the hurt from the past by forgiving your Ex so you can move forward with the Next and return to the old you.

Without Trust There Is No Relationship

A person coming out of a relationship where they have been cheated on numerous times is, in some ways, worse than the person who was abused to deal with.  This person is always “on”, looking for a signs of infidelity of any kind just so they can say “ah ha I caught you; no one will ever be able to do that to me again”.

Sidebar:  Let’s be honest people, social media jealousy is just plain stupid and immature.  All of the “why is that person always liking your post,” or “Why does that person always re-tweet your stuff?” Or  “Who is that person …?” I don’t even want to type anymore of that nonsense because stupidity like this is pissing me off as I type it, so I can only imagine the poor Next that is in this tragedy of a relationship with you.

The problem with this is if you are constantly looking for the bad you will miss a lot of the good that the Next is bringing to the table.  Stop creating issues where there are none before the Next just gives up on you and your foolishness. Enjoy the newness of the Next.  Allow you and the Next to grow instead of beating them over the head with your distrust over and over and over again.  You are not boxing you are in a relationship so let your guard down and just go with the flow.  Allow love to find its way back to you without having to dip and dodge your non trusting attempts of blocking it from reaching you.  Stop treating the Next like your Ex and allow them (the Next) to make their own mistakes.  Forgive your Ex so that you can once again begin to trust and enjoy what the Next has to offer.

I understand that forgiving your Ex sometimes isn’t the easiest thing to do.  Trust and believe the minute that you do there will be a sense of calmness that comes over you.  Like a ton of bricks have been removed from your chest allowing you to breathe again.  Take back the power that you are allowing the Ex to have over your future and concentrate your positive energy on you and the Next.

Author:  B.A.M


  1. Really great insight. It’s so unfair to the next person when you’re always expecting him or her to be the last person. So many people ruin their chances at future happiness by refusing to let go.

  2. Great insight. Unforgiveness can tear you apart and will hinder future relationships. Its like cancer, slowing eating away your joy, peace and love. We have to forgive everyone in life who has hurt us in order to please God and to move on with our lives. The bible says forgive amd we shall be forgiven. Let go and let God handle it. God Bless

  3. […] You don’t drive your car forward while only looking in the rear view mirror, so why do you continue to look in the past when you get into a new relationship. Instead of being scared because of what happened with your ex, learn from it. Then use it to make a smarter choice with your next. Look forward to moving forward and creating better memories with someone who deserves you and what you have to offer.  For more information on this subject click on the following link to read a more detailed article Forgiving Your Ex So You Can Move On With Your Next. […]


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