Family

Feelings of Being the Noncustodial Parent

Feelings of Being the Noncustodial Parent
Jubair and Tyanna

There is nothing more pleasant than hearing the laughter and sometimes even the arguing of children in the house. The joy of having your children in the house with you is often times overlooked or under appreciated by those parents who don’t spend a lot of quality time with their family. All of that joy comes crashing down when the couple breaks up and the parent who was most involved with raising the children now becomes the “Noncustodial Parent.”

Quick Rant on the Children’s Court

When couple’s divorce, why does the court side with the mother 99% of the time? Even if the father was the primary caregiver during the marriage it will have no bearing on the custody battle that is almost always sure to come. I know men who were always with their children. These fathers spent so much time with their kids that the few times they ran to the store without the kids everyone always asked “Hey, where are the kids?” Even in cases like this the man has little to no chance of keeping the kids in the case of divorce and often times end up feeling lost after becoming the “Noncustodial Parent”.

Why does the man have less rights when it comes to winning custody in a divorce or breakup? The entire Family Court needs to be overhauled. The decision of who the children go to should be based on who has been the primary caretaker and who will actually take better care of the children and not just the normal decision of the mother winning custody.

Living in a Childless Home

There is absolutely nothing worst then going from kids laughing and yelling in the home to silent whispers of loneliness. It’s one thing to have your kids go to the better parent but when the better parent looses the children because of a very flawed Family Court system there are no words that can comfort him. The pain of not seeing his children or tucking them in every night grows exponentially as the days go by.

In some of the worst cases, the Noncustodial Parent no longer has the luxury to even speak to his child/children whenever he feels and is now at the mercy of the ex who may or may not block the communication as a way to hurt them. Not only does the Noncustodial Parent want to see and talk to the child/children but the child/children also need and want to see and speak to the Noncustodial Parent. With the exception of abuse, no matter how bad the breakup was there should never be a case where the child/children are used as pawns to hurt the other parent.

It is never a good thing when a family splits up, but the hurt that is felt by the child/children and the noncustodial parent runs so much deeper than the custodial parent will ever be able to comprehend. The thing that the custodial parent will never understand is coming home everyday to a lifeless empty house. In essence…

Nothing can explain the “Feelings of Being the Noncustodial Parent” like the joy of everyday being replaced by every other weekend.

Author B.A.M.

View Comments (6)

6 Comments

  1. Debra Yearwood

    02/04/2015 at 7:07 PM

    So true. I’ve seen this situation from the man’s and the woman’s perspective and there is simply no upside to losing access, even partially, to your children. It’s like losing a limb.

    • B.A.M.

      02/07/2015 at 5:52 PM

      you are absolutely correct there is no upside at all. The worst is when parents use the children as pawns or a way to get back at their ex.

  2. Jacqueline Gum (Jacquie)

    02/09/2015 at 9:19 AM

    I have long questioned the courts inability to adequately judge who should be the custodial parent. I’ve even seen cases where the woman didn’t want to be the custodial parent as much as she wanted the child support that it brings. I hear that it is getting better, but I’ve no first hand knowledge of that. And you are so right…too often these kids end up being pawns in a game where there can be no winners.

    • B.A.M.

      02/09/2015 at 10:03 AM

      you hit the nail on the head Jacqueline. I know a few mothers who only wanted the kids for the child support that produces..

  3. Mark

    02/09/2015 at 12:57 PM

    It is difficult for me to make judgement on this as I have never been through it. As a parent I always want my children around but I also have to think what is best for them. As much as it hurts I know in my case being with their mother would be the right decision.
    I wonder how much the parents sometimes ignore this because of the hurt they have been through or just to show others that they care.
    Caring can sometimes be letting go and this is often overlooked.

    • B.A.M.

      02/09/2015 at 1:13 PM

      Mark, you are correct caring does mean sometimes letting go. There are times when the mother isn’t the best choice and only wants the kids for the monthly child support pay day. These are the parents that we are talking about here. The ones that care more about the money or hurting their ex more than the welfare of the children. Thanks for the great comment

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Family
Jubair and Tyanna
@http://twitter.com/ballnchainz

Ballnchainz is a relationship blog that covers the topics of Marriage, Family, Couples Finances, and Divorce from both the woman and mans point of view in a slightly comedic way.

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