Divorce

Divorced and Bitter

Divorced and Bitter
Jubair and Tyanna

When I am out in public I hear so many people ranting and raving about how bad their ex treated them and how foul their child’s mother/father is.  I sit there thinking to myself “If this is how you act, no wonder they left you.”  What I really would like to do is smack them in hopes of knocking some sense into them.  I want to tell them “while you are here mad at the ex, they are somewhere chillin’ and you are here “Divorced and Bitter.”

Why Are You So Mad

After speaking to several divorced friends, family, and strangers I have found that most of the time the anger comes from jealousy.  Yup, once again someone read that last sentence and sucked their teeth while saying “I’m not jealous, I don’t want them”, and maybe you don’t want them.  However, could it be that you expected them to fail without you and instead they kept moving forward while you and your anger started backsliding?

Maybe you felt that your ex did you wrong while you were married and feel like they should be in ruins for that, maybe you thought that they couldn’t make it without you or could it be that you are jealous of their new happy life despite your attempts to sabotage them.  Whatever your issue is one thing is certain, while you’re sitting here stewing in your “Divorced and Bitter” soup, your ex is out there living his/her life, not thinking about you.

Oh and don’t let the ex re-marry and become even happier – I’m not even going to write more about that in this article because I know a few people who almost popped a vein in their forehead after reading that line.

Letting Your Kids see You Angry

Letting your kids see you angry with their mother/father in a toxic way is one of the worst things you can do.  Toxic anger toward your ex has the potential to backfire and create resentment towards you when your child gets older and comes their own level of understanding of what is really going on without your bias perspective.  Your hurts may be valid but when it comes to your children it doesn’t matter who divorced who, who cheated on who, or who (fill in the blank) on who, what matters is that you never let the children know you “hate” their mother/father even if you really do.  I have seen a few divorced parents who can’t stand each other and won’t talk to each other unless it is about the children.  These same two parents will sit down and have civilized conversations about the kids and also do things together with the kids without arguing in front of them, unfortunately it is rare but it does happen.  Though these parents may still have unresolved personal issues with each other at least they are finding a way to co-parent without the BS.

Make Room for Happiness

I also know people whose heart is so full of pain and hate towards their ex to the point that they have little to no room for happiness in their lives.  This type of person complains all the time about how life isn’t fair, how their job sucks and then somehow finds a way to blame all of their problems on their ex.  In reality the issue is your bitterness towards your ex which is bleeding into other facets of your life.  I have witnessed relationships dissolve or people lose everything because they could not get over the pain of being “Divorced and Bitter” which caused them not be able to function correctly at their jobs or just in life period.

Somehow you have to find a way to CHOOSE to forgive your ex for whatever wrongs you felt they dealt you.  My wife always says this quote “unforgiveness is like you drinking poison, expecting the other person to die” meaning that your only hurting yourself by holding onto the anger and the stress that is slowly killing you day by day.  Make room in your heart for happiness by forgiving them for whatever it is that is holding you in your stagnate pool of bitterness and watch how your life begins to turn around for the positive.

Time for a not so shameless plug… Click this link to read another article on this site called (Forgiving Your Ex so You Can Move On With the Next) that goes perfectly with this topic.

The point that I am making is that your bitterness is only hurting you.  Your life would function much better if you would take ownership of your issues, learn to let go of the hate and focus more on the positive.  Find a way to enjoy life and instead of being “Divorced and Bitter” you can just be HAPPY!!!

View Comments (6)

6 Comments

  1. Mark

    01/05/2015 at 1:09 PM

    We don’t need to have all this bitterness in a divorce and give lawyers lots of money as well. Don’t get married, just sleep with the lady of your dreams and in the morning leave her your house keys and a cheque for half your earnings. It saves all that arguing in between

    • BallNChainz

      01/05/2015 at 5:17 PM

      Lol. There was a guy at my job that use to tell the younger guys exact what you just said.

  2. Nancy Brisson

    01/06/2015 at 9:50 AM

    I like the idea of letting go of negative emotions and I agree that our egos get all twisted up in our emotions in a situation like this and that this makes it difficult to tell where emotions end and our wounded ego takes over, but the anger and jealousy people feel is real and they must spill it out or defuse it in some way. I also agree that the avenues many people take to defuse their intense feelings often do more harm to the person who was hurt than to the one who did the hurting. Taking up boxing or joining a hiking group or doing something that is too strenuous for conversation might help work away at some of that anger, which is like a poison. This is a real problem that real people have and it is very important to discuss it. Great topic.

    • BallNChainz

      01/06/2015 at 10:01 AM

      Thanks for the great comment Nancy. You are correct the jealousy and anger is a real problem. The choices some people make when jealous or angry often times makes things worst.

  3. Tasha Mack

    01/06/2015 at 11:05 AM

    This is great, I went through this myself and there is a phase that you go through, hurt,angry disappointed with yourself, but it is important to learn not to stay there. My best friend who helped me through mine is going through it right now, she is going through the same transitions. But what is key for moving on is forgiveness, unforgiveness is like You drinking the Poison and waiting for them to Die.

    • BallNChainz

      01/06/2015 at 11:19 AM

      Tasha, forgiveness is one of the most important things you can do to move on. You and your friend are lucky to have each other.

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Divorce
Jubair and Tyanna
@http://twitter.com/ballnchainz

Ballnchainz is a relationship blog that covers the topics of Marriage, Family, Couples Finances, and Divorce from both the woman and mans point of view in a slightly comedic way.

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