Even though most people don’t get married with the intention of getting divorced years later, it seems like more and more of the couples I know are getting divorced every year. I have had so many people tell me that they are in the process of going through a divorce, thinking about filing for divorce, or celebrating the finalization of their divorce. Divorce is a big money business and few people are smart enough to leave their emotions out of it, sit down with each other and come up with their own divorce decree. Most adults aren’t that mature and will do things just to spite the other person or fight for everything because they feel they have been wronged. In this article there is an example of how some divorces happen and another example of the emotional stupidity that people getting divorced go through that can waste a very large sum of money. Divorce is not always a good thing, but divorce is only ugly if you make it that way.
The kids are gone now what
If you’re in your late 30’s or early 40’s you have seen an insane amount of high school and college sweethearts that “back in the day” everyone thought would be together forever. Then years later you hear through the grapevine that they are getting divorced. One of the main reasons that I think this is happening is because they have gotten lost in their marriage and no longer know who they are, what they want, or how to love their spouse the way they use to. The two continued to drift farther and farther apart until they can’t see or hear what the other is saying even though they are still in the same house.
Once couples begin to have kids some parents lose track of themselves and forget the happiness they had during the pre-kid years. Everything becomes about the child and the parents stop doing the things that they used to do to make each other happy. After years of this, it becomes apparent that things will eventually not end well if changes and efforts aren’t made to rekindle the fire that they once had. Couples get so lost in their kids that once the kids move out or goes to college they feel they have nothing left in the relationship. By the way, staying together for the kids is stupid. The kids see your animosity towards each other so the only people you are fooling are yourselves… but I digress (told you before I like saying that)… Now you’re in a house that hasn’t had love between the two of you for years and since the kids are gone you think you don’t have any reason to stay and thus comes the divorce thoughts.
Getting divorced is taking the easy way out and means that you just don’t want to put the work in to regain what has been lost (keep in mind that we are not talking about abuse or cheating cases). The kids are gone and now you have a fresh start and could start dating again to resurrect the lost love. Now if both parents are not willing to put the work in to save the marriage and this does lead to divorce, I hope both of you can be smart and fair while dissolving the marriage. Remember divorce is only ugly if you make it that way.
You just spent $700 for a $30 toaster
I don’t care who cheated, who spent all the money, who did this, that or any other reason that you are getting divorced. Once you decide that you are going to terminate the marriage and lawyers have been contacted (or you decide to sit down with each other and come up with your own agreement) the goal should be to end the marriage as soon as possible without all the drama and money being thrown out of the window. But as I stated before most adults are not mature enough to do that so you end up wasting a bunch of time and money fighting over crap that you don’t want just because one or both of you are playing emotional divorce games.
The two of you will spend an hour with both of your lawyers arguing over who gets to keep something as stupid as a toaster. Now your lawyers are getting paid between $300 and $400 an hour so we will just take the average and go with $350. Neither of you wants to give in because you are too emotionally attached/invested. No not attached to the toaster but emotionally attached to being stupid and stubborn while trying to beat the other person. With every drop of spiteful emotions you gain, you lose 10 drops of common sense. For God’s sake just give up the toaster (or whatever other dumb thing you’re fighting over) and move on to what’s important like your kids or house if you have one [This is a great place to plug the BallnChainz article 5 Course child support meal and a receipt please ]. In a perfect world I think the law should be that once you start going through the divorce you should have an estate sale to get rid of everything with the exception of big ticket items/appliances and the proceeds should be split evenly.
There are a lot of reasons for getting divorced and a whole lot more ways of wasting money on legal bills that will continue to add up quickly if the two of you continue to fight over every single thing. We are not trying to write a book on this subject so we will touch on some other areas of divorce in later articles. Hopefully with a little time and effort a marriage can be saved, but in the cases where they can’t be please remember that divorce is only ugly if you make it that way.