In this hustle and bustle world that we live in, a lot of parents CHOOSE not to make time to help their kids with their homework.  That’s right I said CHOOSE!!! As parents we have a duty to spend time with our kids and do whatever is necessary to help them become as successful as possible in the future.  When it comes to learning, it seems like a lot of parents and society forget that “class doesn’t end when a child leaves school.”

It’s the teacher’s job to teach them, not mine

It hurts me to the core every time I hear a parent say that “it is up to the teacher to teach” or “the teacher should have taught you that in school.”  Parents, if you have ever said either one of these then you need to reevaluate your entire thought process.  I say this because if you don’t recognize that you are the most important teacher in your children’s lives then you don’t deserve to watch them grow or take credit if they somehow become successful without your help. Yes, the teacher gives them the schoolwork and foundation on how to do the work but it’s up to you ,the parent, to drill the work ethic, proper study habits, and discipline into them.

Teaching isn’t just about school work.  Teaching is also about grooming respectful, appreciative, and fearful children.  Parents, the time you spend with your children shows them how they should act as an adult.  A lot of the problems that most children have today are that the adults that are supposed to show them the correct way are still acting like disrespectful children themselves. On top of that, children today don’t know how to properly express themselves and keep their feelings bottled up inside until it’s too late and they blow up.  Their parents are too busy dealing with their own BS to teach the kids the importance of how to communicate.

When the parent does take some time to communicate with their kids, they spend the entire time talking to them instead of having a conversation with them. Another issue that children have today is that they don’t have a sense of what a consequence is.  A lot of the times this problem exists because the parents were too busy trying to be their friend instead of teaching them right from wrong.

The jails are full of teenagers who weren’t disciplined as children that now have to be disciplined by judges and Correction Officers.  Most of this is because these immature or ignorant parents don’t realize that “class doesn’t end when a child leaves school” but also that teaching their children how to function as respectful people in society starts with them.

Society is forcing parents to raise a bunch of punks

Now let me start this section off by saying that it’s not just the parents that are failing our children, it’s also the school system and society that is making it hard for the good parents to take control of their kids. Society says it’s wrong for parents to discipline their children when they act up but say that it’s okay for police and judges to hand out discipline. Society wants to hold the parents responsible when the child becomes a criminal but took away the parents power which could have set the child on the correct path before the criminal acts got started.

Society is no longer “the village” that raises children, now society is a group of people that would rather video tape children doing wrong instead of correcting them.  Society took GOD out of school because a few were offended and now the schools have gone straight to Hell.  Schools use to be a place where all you worried about was if your children were prepared to take their tests but now you fear for their lives and want to send them to school in a bullet proof vest.

Schools have a “No Tolerance Rule” and say that it is to prevent bullying (a term which is misused and overused).  Calling someone “four eyes” because they wear glasses or “train tracks”  because they have braces is not bullying (teach your kids this simple comeback… hmm hmm repeat after me “YOUR MOTHER”).  That is called cracking or snapping, but make sure you tell your kids that if they reply with “YOUR MOTHER” the other person may want to fight them.  Bullying is when someone takes a kids lunch money every day.  Bullying is when someone threatens the smaller kids and torments them every day.  Bullying is when a group of kids join evil forces and pick, rob, or beat up the book smart but street dumb kids… but I digress.

The “No Tolerance Rule” pretty much states that if Bobby punches Jerry in the face and Jerry defends himself and punches Bobby back, then both Bobby and Jerry get suspended from school.  This rule (in my not so humble opinion) is teaching kids that “you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t” meaning that if you don’t fight back, you keep getting punched in the face and if you do protect yourself, you still get screwed by the school.  I have heard kids say that if they fight back then they will get in trouble.  The “No Tolerance Rule” is teaching good kids to become victims. Then on top of that you have schools fighting for state or federal money so the higher ups tie the teacher’s hands and make them teach the children only what is needed to pass the state tests.

The teaching is being removed from schools and is now being replaced with state test preparation.  All this does is put the children in poorer school zones farther behind then those schools in a more affluent area.  These kids are stuck in a never ending cycle of playing catch up that will continue all the way to college, if they are fortunate enough to get accepted to one.  There is little to no creativity left when it comes to teacher’s lesson plans due to no fault of their own but the impact of this on the student is exponential.

As parents and society we are failing our youth and need to get back to the basics by bringing back some of the “old school” discipline and teachings.  We need to continue to remind each other that “class doesn’t end when a child leaves school.”  We need to teach kids to positively express themselves and not hold things in until they bust.  If you won’t talk to your children about right and wrong and teach them that there are consequences for their actions, then eventually you will be paying a lawyer to speak on their behalf…

We would like to know your thoughts on this subject so please leave a comment with your feedback





  1. I’m still young but I know how parents raised their kids in previous generations and… what a difference. I think we lost some good values from the past and somehow we adquired some awful habits. Like the one you say, “is not my job to teach my kids, that’s teachers’ job”. And not only that, if kids now are bad in some subjects, some parents will blame the teacher instead of admitting there’s something going on with their kid. And even confront the teacher! – I truly think parents and school should be on the same side, both teaching and educating at the same time.

    • Javier, you are also correct and I wanted to write more on the subject but it would be way too long. This subject could be written in a few books. Thanks for visiting and come back and read some other articles. Also are you in spain?

  2. Jay, you’ve put your finger on the problem – busy, self-centred parents, lack of respect for authority by the kids (in some cases authority deserves this), and a school system that is failing children. I’m a senior and I grew up actually liking most of my teachers and even police officers – I’m not saying let’s go back to the ‘good old days’, but lets take the good from the old days and apply them to raising children today. Thanks for a thoughtful piece.

    • Lenie, I agree with you 100% that we need to take the good from the old days and apply them to raising children today. thanks for the great comment.

  3. Jay, We might differ on some details but I totally endorse the premise that class doesn’t end when a child leaves school. In addition to teaching your own kids ethics and a common sense l approach to dealing with society I believe it remiss to even rely on the school system for basic academic skills. It makes no sense to me that a parent who finds time to teach his son how to fish and throw a football doesn’t find time to instill a love of reading and make sure he has basic math skills before he even delivers him into the hands of the school system.

    • Paul, I agree with your comment. I do think that parents need to teach their kids basic math and reading before they enter school. Once a kid reaches high school in a lot of cities teaching has stopped and preparing for passing state wide exams for funding has started. This is where school is failing its students. Thanks for another thought provoking comment

  4. Hello Jay; I’m not sure I agree with all of this, but you are right about the schools teaching th kids how to pass tests instead of teaching them how to think. more discipline would probably help. I don’t have any kids but as th uncle I help with the after school part where possible. i am usually called upon to help my nephew seth understand math concepts. parents need to be more involved this is true. how they manage it with ever increasing requirements from work I don’t know. thanks for sharing, max

  5. While I believe it is a parent’s job to teach a child respect, manners, right from wrong, and encourage learning, I firmly do not believe a parent should interfere in a child’s homework assignments. When I owned three educational services, I heard this all the time from parents: “WE have a science test to study for.” Really? We? No, the student has a science test. Enabling a child by helping with homework is wrong. Giving them support in terms of a quiet place to study, supplies, after school help by a peer tutor or hiring a tutor is the right thing to do. Being sure the student eats well, has physical activities and is exposed to cultural activities is also a great thing for parents. When it comes down to the actual work – it has to be the student. Parents can only provide the right environment.

    • I think where we differ here is I think the parent should be able to help the kid by giving assistance with how to find answers or even check their homework while trying to get them to understand how important it is to check their work before handing it in. Parents should never give the kids the answers or point out exactly where to find the answer but a little assisntance should be acceptable. Thank you for the comment.

  6. You are right! Parents should get actively involved in educating their children. Now a days parents even send toddlers to private tutors at an age when they need the parental care the most! This is not going to do any good, I guess! 🙁

    • Yeah a lot of parents are dropping the ball in a lot of areas. I’m not a perfect parent but i do recognize some of my short comings and then improve them. Thanks for the comment

  7. I can agree with some of the things you’re saying – parents should spend more time with their children, teach them social and emotional skills, and support them in their studies. And yes, books can be written and have been on opinions for parenting and the educational system.

    However, coming from a youth development background, I would also would like to add we should take into account the socioeconomic background that causes challenges for these kids and families. If a single parent is working two jobs then they may not have as much time to spend with their kids as they would like. If the kid is skipping meals because of no money then they’ll have behavioral problems. As most highly charged topics, it’s not always black and white.

    The “no tolerance” rule should end, but not to encourage the victim to become violent. But to show compassion to the bully and try to intervene and get them help. Otherwise, we’re saying, “You can’t come to school.” What’s the alternative? No education which is less opportunity for jobs? Gangs? Jail? All of which are not good solutions for the taxpayers. I also believe we have to be careful on how we label people. If we’re referring to some kids as “punks” then what do they start to believe about themselves?

    Kudos for bringing forward such a thought provoking topic.

    • Thanks for the Geary comment. I was going to write about the differences in socialeconomical background but that works have turned this post into a book. Even though we have different reasons both agree that the no tolerance rule needs to go.

  8. Class definitely doesn’t end whe a child leaves school. One of the main reasons there are problems with young people is that parents rely on the teachers to do everything necessary.

  9. I have to agree with you Jay, parents need to step up to the plate and take responsibility with raising their children. When I was a kid if I did something wrong I got a ‘spanking’ – yes I said it, a spanking! and I turned out just fine! That is the problem today, kids are coddled, there is no consequence for their actions and we all have heard those famous words: ‘It wasn’t my fault’ (and because of those words they think they shouldn’t be held responsible) – Look around, I don’t think that “time out” works 🙂

    • Lol.. just like you i was spanked. You can’t continue to take disciplinary power away from parents and expect them to be able to raise their kids. What a lot of people don’t realize is that there is a huge difference between a spanking and abuse. Thanks for the great comment

  10. Oh…don’t get me started. I don’t have kids and according to some, that completely negates my opinion. However; I’ve had my share of kids for weekends, weeks at a time, and done my share of babysitting…I love kids. But I do think the whole parenting thing has become appalling. Often parents do expect teachers to step in and assume a parental role…until the teacher reprimands the kid in a way they don’t agree with and then Katie-bar-the-door. And of course they dress down the teacher in front of the child which sort of lets the kid know that disrespect is okay. So I completely agree that parents need to step up to the plate. Arne Duncan, Sec of Department of Education in the US stated not long ago that at a forum recently he stated the the biggest complaint he got from parents was that kids today have too much homework and don’t have time enough to be kids. Conversely, the Japanese minister of education said parents consistently complained that their children didn’t have enough homework! That kind of said it all to me. Makes me a little afraid for our future… self-absorbed adults raising kids.

    • Yes parents belittling teachers in front of their kids is a huge problem and tells the Kids that they don’t have to listen to the teacher… this is anorher great content on this subject.. thank you

  11. While I don’t agree with all your points, I do feel that many parents just don’t teach their children how to be responsible, respectful people. They make threats but don’t carry them out when the children don’t do as they are told. They hold teachers responsible for way too much. I can’t even believe how they want to be in constant contact with the teachers. I’m glad I did my years of teaching school before there was email and overused cell phones. Children need to have good role models in their parents and I’m afraid that parents are not stepping up there in too many cases.

    • While i was writing this i knew there would be some points that people didn’t agree with. But what most people do agree with is that parents are failing the kids and trying to pass the blame. Thanks for committing

  12. School is to teach children the academic skills and parents need to step up to the plate and keep it going. t is not the school responsibility to raise the child. The old expression is the buck stops here. To many parents, school is a a baby sitting service. As they get older, school is a place to keep children out of trouble. Parenting doesn’t stop when you send a child to school.

  13. As a former teacher, I can readily attest to the number of parents who feel no inclination whatsoever to be involved with their child’s schoolwork. It’s one of the number one reasons I left the classroom (and I was a super-devoted teacher with a lot of degrees behind my name and all that jazz…) It’s like nobody wants to take responsibility for anything anymore, and then everyone wonders why there are so many issues with education and family. It’s rough cycle, and one I could no longer remain in any longer. My favorite was always the parents who would get mad and complain to the principal if their child received a C.

    • Jeri, just from watching some of the parents with the teachers im not surprised you left the classroom. The school board makes it hard but some of the parents make it worst. Thanks for the great comment

    • I think a lot of the problem is that people are having kids so young that the parents don’t know what it takes our have the common sense to raise their children. Fast pace or not something has to change

  14. Say it loudly Jay. You are on a roll here mate and I am with you. These are the deep roots of societal problems and self inflicted as well. Individualism has destroyed our society as you cannot correct anyone, who are you to? They are free to be and to do, society is now virtual really.

    • Lol.. thanks for your support Welli, you are correct society its being destroyed and its by a bunch of immature patents and their disobedient off spring.

  15. Hi Jay,
    I tend to agree with your viewpoint. I think when one considers that children aren’t children for very long, and that while they are young, we have a unique opportunity to create quality memories. It is incumbent on each of us to provide those for our children. Otherwise, we will live with the memories created and influenced by others.

    Kind Regards,

  16. Jay, my parents did not graduate high school and they both had awful childhoods. Their parents did not help them at all with their school work. In addition, they where absentee parents. My parents learned how to hustle rather then learn. Children are smart and they watch their parents. I think it is vital to help your children out and give them support with their education. Thought provoking article! =)

    Sincerley, Crystal Ross

    • Thanks, yeah your parents had it tough. So when they had kids they had the choice of repeating the same mistakes or doing the opposite of what their parents did. There is always a choice. Thanks for committing

  17. Listen…..the whole Society is forcing our kids to be a bunch of punks has been my life! I have had to explain to my son what bullying really is and when him and another kid were being bullied the school blamed them. Then I had to go up there and show out. When my son had a fight with a kid who attacked him in the hall way with other teachers present and come to find out that kid had me messing with my son several days before and he went and told the principle and they sent him back to class with no resolution. They suspended my son for defending himself. I went to the superintendent whom I have a good relationship with because of all of these situation. I could go on and on about many other situations with my daughter but I digress…… Point is I agree with everything you said. I have had many conversations with friends about this very topic and it is just sad.

    • Niekka, wow… i had to have that same with my kids so i know how you feel. My wife and i have had several conversations about this which is the main reason this was written. Thank you for the great comment.

  18. You made some good points in this article. I agree with damn near everything you said about how society is turning kids into punks. Like you said the word bullying is used way too much.

    • Thanks Jason… these kids now a days don’t know what a real bully is and i stop my kids from saying they are being bullied because someone called them 1 name

  19. Wow, you touched on a lot of sensitive issues and important ones. My kids fight my husband and I off most of the time when we attempt to help with homework, but we definitely see ourselves as part of the school process. We accept that our kids have to be able to decide when to ask for help and we hover from a distance. We also make space and tools available for them to do the work themselves. As for the school system, I wonder if there is one out there that works?

    • The good thing is that you give them the space to do their work and are there if they need help which is better than a lot of so called parents out there. You are right, there are a lot sensitive issues in this article but thee are the things that I see that really bother me. So I write about them. Thanks for the great comment

  20. Jay,
    I do agree with your thoughts about parenting and taking responsibility to a certain extent. I have to argue one point and that is that the very people who do not want us to discipline children are those who usually have the most troublesome children.
    Police could at one time give a child a whack around the ear and that was it. Now if they do they loose their jobs and end up in court so the only option they have open is to take them through the system.
    Little Johnny can cause hell in school but try and discipline him there and little Johnny’s parents will cause hell with the school.
    A well written thought provoking piece I enjoyed. Thank you.

    • Thanks for the great comment Mark… i agree with what your example about little jonny (i love those little jonny skits by the way).


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