Couples Finances

5 Course Child Support Meal and the Check Please

5 Course Child Support Meal and the Check Please
Jubair and Tyanna

5 Course Child Support Meal and the check please

Disclaimer:  I will be using woman as the person receiving the child support in this write up just because of the points that will be raised.  I know there are men on child support and some of the topics here will apply to them so please no complaining about me not being objective.

Menu:

appetizer – There’s a kid in my soup
palate cleanser – support Sorbet

Entree – Main support Course
desert – double dipped support cake
and to wind down a cup of – coffee or tea and the receipt

There’s a kid in my soup

As adults we all should know how babies are made, but what we cannot always be sure of is, if the relationship will work, if someone has cheated, or if the baby is really yours.  For those who aren’t really paying attention that last one was for the men.  There are many different ways for babies to become part of this crazy world that we live in so I will supply some examples because I thought about them when I decided to write this and had to put them somewhere:

1) A couple meets, courts, falls madly in love, each have great careers, they get married and have a bunch of great little children who never want for anything.

2) The second is a similar to # 1 but for some reason the couple divorces but the children still never want for anything and both parents get along and communicate when it comes to matters that involve the children, few and far between are like this

3) Next is a combination of 1 and 2 except one half of the great couple decided to partake in the delectable taste of the forbidden fruit (otherwise known as the side chick) and got caught.  Now this divorce becomes messy because feelings are involved.  Both parents cannot agree on how to raise their kids together and are always trying to one up the other by trying to win whatever imaginary battle is at hand that week.

4) Here we have the boyfriend and girlfriend that may have gotten too drunk one night and were not cautious enough and now they have a kid. Now this is tricky because depending on how the breakup goes they could be more like # 1 but if the situation that leads to the break up is more like # 3 then all hell breaks loose.

5) Then there is the juicy never happened relationship where the two participants met in a club and decided to go home and get it in but he forgot to pull it out.  Now with every day the kid is growing in her belly more doubt grows inside the man because if she would go home with him and do that who is to say she hasn’t taken anyone else home and done the same.  This one is the messiest one of them all because there was never a relationship and the doubt of what he thought would be a 1 hit and quit…

I will stop there even though I have others that may show up later but I just wanted to give you a few things to think about while you read the remainder of this little article.

Support Sorbet

It doesn’t matter which of the ways described above (or not described above) you have gotten here; by this point child support is needed.  What gets lost in all of the hoopla of the emotional break up is that child support is for the children and both parents have a responsibility to contribute to the child’s wellbeing.  Woman… Child Support is for the child hence the title is called CHILD support.  Child support is not for you to get your nails and hair done.  It’s not for you to take your new boo out to dinner.  It’s not for you and your girls to have a man bashing night out on the town. It’s not for… ok well I think you get the point now so I will stop there.

A lot of people seem to mistake child support with alimony (I really despise this one but we won’t talk about that here).  Alimony is for the woman to get on her feet and get a career if they didn’t have one after a divorce.  Child support is for what? (on the count of 3 ready 1…2…3) yes the CHILD.  Child support is for a small portion of rent/mortgage, a small portion of household bills, but mostly it’s for clothes, food, and entertainment for the child.  I suggest you look up your states website and get the paperwork explaining in details what child support pays for.

Now there are certain cases where I don’t think the man should have to pay child support.  Ladies fix your eyebrows and continue reading. One case is when a lady is in a relationship and cheats.  She ends up pregnant and doesn’t tell the man that there is a chance the baby isn’t his.  Somewhere down the line he finds out the possibility of the baby not being his and gets tested.  Low and behold the baby isn’t his and the couple breaks up.  But for some strange reason this man is stuck paying child support for a baby that isn’t his.  This is where the court fails men and makes them hate the entire system.  Another reason is a case I read wear a man and woman had protected sex and the man threw the protection in the garbage.  The lady went and got a turkey baster, went into the bathroom and took out the protected juice and impregnated herself.  Why would anyone go through all that trouble you may be asking?  Well the man was a ball player and now she doesn’t have to work another day in her life because he has to pay a boat load of money to this sneaky little trifling… ok I will end this subject here.

Main support Course

There are many factors that contribute to how much money is paid for child support.  Some couples come up with a payment plan and stick to it while other woman fight to try and get every penny the man has.  It is this lady who always wants to go back to court for an adjustment.  “Oh I heard you got a raise”, we going back to court.  “What you got a bonus”, we going back to court.  “Oh you got laid off, well too bad you still have to pay me”, this is where most men mess up and don’t take the lady back to court for an adjustment in their favor.  Men just like when you get a salary increase and the lady wants to take you back to court for an adjustment, you can take her back to court for and adjustment when your salary decreases.

One of the easiest things to do once you the kid arrives and the parents aren’t together anymore is come up with a court ordered settlement that outlines child support.  If both parents stick to this child support settlement and do what they need to do then there should be no problem.  But ladies sometimes get a little too big for their britches and want to tell the man what he is going to do.  “I’m going to have a party for the kid and you need to pay half”, or “the kid wants a new pair of sneakers and you got to buy them cause I bought the last pair”, or (now this is my favorite), “I buy all the kids clothes, shoes, food and you don’t do anything”… What women who say things like these need to remember is that the man sometimes is barely living and more than likely has no extra money to give especially if they need money for when the kid comes to them for visitation.  The other thing they always fail to remember is that the father actually paid for some of the stuff that she is asking for half the money for because child support covers all of that.

Fathers (well good fathers) may do things with their kids when they visit them and sometimes they will pick the kids up when it’s not their weekend and do things with them and they need money of their own for when the kid is with them.  You can’t take all of the man’s money because he needs to live and have money to be able to take care of the kid when it’s their time. Ladies if you have a good child father that does things with his kids, is there to support his kids mentally, physically, and emotionally and is on time with child support payments cut him some slack.  If you keep coming at him with an attitude and he is doing right it will make him not want to do anything extra.  A good father will work with you and may give or try to find a way to give you extra when needed if you come at him correctly.  You have to help him help you and having an attitude with a good father will do just the opposite.

Now if you have a real dead beat baby father and not one that you call a dead beat because he cheated on you. But one who does nothing for the kids, doesn’t spend any time with them, misses child support then by all means take him to court as much as you want.  But if you have a good baby father then don’t take it for granted and every now and then tell him you appreciate what he does (LOL I wish I could be there to see the look on some ladies faces once they read that last line).  I know he may be doing what he is supposed to do but the praise isn’t for that.  The praise and appreciation is for him dealing with your demands and not quitting, for dealing with your attitude and still being there, for dealing with your abuse and still doing what needs to be done for the child.

Double dipped support cake

Ladies child support is not considered your income.  You can’t claim it on your taxes and the father can’t write it off of his.  Therefore the sole person who should benefit from the child support is the child.  It’s not right for you to receive child support on time all the time and then when the kids want to do something that cost money you tell them ask your father.  Why should a child have to ask their father for money for something that he already gave you money to cover?  Oh by the way the mother that tells her kids “if your father won’t pay for it then you can’t do it” is a horrible human being who can’t separate her emotions from reality.   Keep the children out of grown folks business!!  You wouldn’t let your child do your taxes (I know I said this in another article) so why should it be the kids responsibility to talk to the father.  Besides the responsible father already gave you money and you should be adult enough to ASK him (not tell) or send the child to perform a guilt trip on him.  The responsible father will react better to a conversation than a demand.  And the conversation shouldn’t start with “look I wanna have a party for the kid and I need you to pay half of it).  The man who is doing everything in his power financially, mentally, and emotionally will look at this as double dipping on child support and rightfully so.  Ladies remember the man always has this thought in the back of his mind.  WHAT DID SHE DO WITH THE CHILD SUPPORT MONEY I GAVE HER?????

Now let’s fast forward a couple of years and let’s say you raise your kid’s right and the kid is 18 and goes out of state to college.

S/N both parents are supposed to pay for the kid to go to college!!

Now back to the discussion.  The kid is away at college and no longer living with the mother, can someone please explain to me why the mother still gets the child support.  I believe that the child support from then on out should go towards the college and a portion should go directly to an account for the college kid.  Enough with the double dipping!!!

Coffee or tea or receipt

The last thing that I would like to discuss in the article most women aren’t going to like.  I believe a woman should have to provide monthly receipts to the court (or father) as to what the child support paid for.  There are too many women saying that the child support doesn’t cover the child’s needs but they are constantly misappropriating the funds.  I said before that child support is not considered income and should be used for the children(s) needs.  If your kid is 3 yrs. old and your buying womans red bottom shoes with some of the money then that’s a problem.  If you come from the grocery store with groceries and a bottle of Remy Martin Louis xiii then that is a problem.  In my opinion child support should be put in an account with a check book and debit card or some kind of way to be monitored.  Yes abuse by a few means all should suffer.

Now I’m joking with some of the stuff you have read in this section but needless to say there needs to be some kind of accountability on the mother’s side.  Doing this would be proof and shut some men up who don’t pay enough which might make them step up and give a little more (I doubt it but we all can dream).  Or it will show the real fathers out there that they are no longer being taken advantage of and that MOST (no system is perfect) of their money is going towards expenses for the kids.

Author:  B.A.M

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  1. Pingback: Men Should Not Ask for Child Support | BallNChainz

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Couples Finances
Jubair and Tyanna
@http://twitter.com/ballnchainz

Ballnchainz is a relationship blog that covers the topics of Marriage, Family, Couples Finances, and Divorce from both the woman and mans point of view in a slightly comedic way.

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